I love that when I walk down the street, I see all these trendy guys wearing those designer jeans with the holes in them. You all know what I am talking about. You walk into Hollister or wherever and buy these pants that have holes and shreds in them already for the cheap low price of $189.95. I have jeans with holes all over them but thats because I worked construction for several years. It makes the guys wearing the jeans look rugged and tough like they have been through some shit in those pants.

What a genius idea on the part of the desingners. "Because an increasing number of guys get manicures instead of doin manual labor they should still have access to the rugged look. Lets make a pair of jeans with the holes already in them." CHA-CHING. when my pants get like that i buy a new pair at Wal-mart for 15 bones. These dudes want so hard to be rugged that they will pay the insane prices.

Being inspired by this way of thinking, I am going to become a clothing designer. If people are seeking a false image through the clothes they wear, I should be able to cash in. Instead of having holes in my pants and shirts, I am going to have stains. I will have a shirt with the classic ketchup/mustard stain. this will say to others "hey, look at this dude, he has ketchup on his shirt. He must go to ball games. He looks like he knows how to party." My line of jeans will sport the oil and grease stains. This will of course make others say, " Woah, look at this bro, He must be a mechanic, or know how to fix engines. His bad assery knows no bounds." An finally my line of khakis will have the once unsightly white stain which will have the ladies thinking, "Oh what a sweetheart, he must have just taken a lucky girl out to a fancy Italian dinner and spilled some alfredo sauce on his thigh. I want his nutz."While theguys will think, "This man must have got some sniz last night, look at that stain. What a pimp."

All this for the competitive price of $167.98. I think I found my calling. This will allow this Metrosexual filled society to once feel rugged and manly again. They can still go to the local starbucks with their collar popped and get their Triple mocha caramel chocolate iced latte frappucinno (while still calling it coffee in front of the fellas, which is a whole other story) and not lose any manliness. Stains are the future of fashion.

~Brando "the man with a plan"