CollegeHumor Classic

In A World Where Things Turned Out Differently

by Dan Gurewitch January 31, 2008

THE YEAR: 2019. Dale is playing Virtual Boy 6 when Chris rolls through the door.

Chris: Hey bro! Sorry about this. There were so many PT Cruisers outside I couldn't find a place to park my Segway.

Chris plops down on the couch and begins channel surfing.

Chris: Yo, toss me a Zima!

Dale: All out, bro. I've got New Coke, Coke II, and Crystal Pepsi.

Chris: Hey, the XFL playoffs are on. The Chicago Enforcers are playing the Orlando Rage.

News Anchor: We interrupt this broadcast of the XFL to bring you a tragic message: President Howard Dean has succumbed to the Asian Bird Flu.

Chris: (changing the channel) I hate how they schedule "Joey" at the same time as "Studio 60." They're both so f*cking good.

Dale: Really? I feel like "Joey" went downhill after the thirteenth season.

Chris: Well, not everything can be as good as the "Sopranos" finale.

Dale: Still, I can't believe Saddam Hussein liked it so much. Said it was too perfect - just straight renounced his evil ways and turned in his nukes while the credits rolled.

Chris: Pop in a laser disc, bro.

Dale: Why laser disc when you can Betamax? Are you feeling The Phantom Menace or Waterworld?

Todd and Allison enter.

Dale: Hey! (to Chris) We all met on Friendster.

Todd: Who hasn't, these days?

They all laugh. Allison walks over to the sound system.

Allison: Let's get this party started. You got anything good on this Zune?

Dale: Word, I bought a sh*tload of sick new albums today on Pay Napster. Jamiroquoi, Ruben Studdard, and O-Town.

Allison & Todd do a strange "O-Town fans" secret handshake.

Allison & Todd: O-Town!

Dale: I just took Chris's mom to O-town last night.

Chris: Hey take that back, man! You know I lost her in the Y2K bug.

Dale: Listen, I'm sorry. We all know what it's like. We're orphans too.

Chris: Really? How did...?

Dale: SARS.

Allison: Cell phone brain damage.

Todd: Ruben Studdard. This morning.

Chris: I'm sorry.

Dale: It's okay.

Chris: No, I'm sorry. I should have told you this earlier - I was followed here by a swarm of African Killer Bees.

The sudden buzzing outside the door grows slowly louder.

Dale: (sarcastically) We should probably escape on the "information superhighway."

Everyone laughs.

Chris: Can you believe we actually thought the internet was going to be huge?

More laughter. African Killer Bees slam through the door and tear their flesh to pieces.

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