Every four years when primary season lumbers into our lives like a leviathan of patronization, there is much talk about the 'youth vote'. On average the 'youth vote' that is projected to come out in numbers fails to arise from behind Atari video game machines, citrus flavored Zimas, and crazy hookah pipes long enough to make it to the polls.

True, more individuals have voted in primaries this year than any others in recent history. But that being the case, is the 'youth vote' responsible for such a spike in turnout? Ron Paul and Barack Obama have both touted the youth of America as responsible for much of their (In Paul's case admirable although limited) success.

However if I found myself running for the nation's highest office this year, my major question would be of the (Groucho) Marxist school. That is, do I really want to be accepted by any group that would have me? While the politician's answer is a resounding yes, from what I saw on election day I may have to agree with Groucho.

I planned on voting with two intelligent, politically minded individuals: A (Roommate, Television Owner, Ron Paul Supporter) & B (Drinking Companion, Fellow Beard Enthusiast, John Edwards supporter), with whom I share a precinct.

I started by knocking on Individual A's bedroom door for nearly 5 minutes. Here is what played out:

Door opens to room.
Extremely disgruntled girlfriend of Individual A (EDGIA) stands there in Individual A's shirt from the previous evening.
I feel awkward.
EDGIA is clearly pissed.
EDGIA: What the fuck are you doing?
Me: It's... Uh-
EDGIA: No. Shut up. It's 9 fucking AM is what it is. That means in the morning.
Me: But...
EDGIA: No. We don't have classes until 2.
Me: But it's elec-
EDGIA: No. You need to leave right now.
EDGIA slams door in my face.
Me (through door): But we planned thi-
EDGIA (through door): GO. THE. FUCK. AWAY!
Individual A (loudly through door): Sorry dude!
I turn from door.
EDGIA (audibly through door): What the fuck is wrong with him?

Individual B is sometimes more reliable. So naturally, when I called him to suggest heading to the polls, he never answered his phone. The 'youth vote' looked absolutely staggering.

I decided I'd go anyway.

At my precinct every person waving a placard or wearing a candidate's T-shirt was over the age of forty-five. All of them saying how nice it was to see some younger people out and getting involved. That pleasant banter quickly ended. The closer the line moved inside the more I was grilled about who I was voting for. I mean, people being really crass about it. "You a Republican or an idiot?", was the most direct political statement I can remember. When I told one older gentleman in black socks, brown sandals, and a John McCain shirt I didn't feel comfortable discussing my personal politics with him within 6 inches of my person he asked me, "What are you acting like a punk for?" Why indeed?

Directly behind me in line was an extremely cute girl (ECG), who had been talking on her cell phone the whole time we waited. As we were about to enter the building she hung up. I decided it would be a good time to make a move. It went like this:

Me: So, who ya voting for?
I cringe for being a tool.
ECG: Dukakis hasn't dropped out has he?
I laugh at her obvious joke. Real Smoooooth.
Me: That's hilarious.
ECG looks at me oddly.
I stop laughing.
ECG: What do you mean.?
I look at the people around us.
Me: You must mean Kucinich. Right?
ECG cocks head to her right. Continues to look at me oddly.
ECG: I don't think so.
Me: Oh. That's cool.
Me: I'm voting for him too.
ECG centers her head. Looks very happy.
ECG: Awesome!

Afterward, I went to a bar near school and voted for Sam Adams. American Patriot. Champion of Youth.