105%

Issue #48

by 105%-O-Matic February 19, 2008


Because laughter is the best medicine, and we're its corrupt pharmaceutical lobby.

Flawless Logic
Don't drink and drive, unless you're a really good multi-tasker.
-Charlie N
I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I lied on my college application essay. In the space after it says "HIGH SCHOOL GPA," I wrote "I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS."
-Patrick Cassels
Canadians
We're not afraid of Mexicans because we have a huge fence called "America."
-Luke Kalfleish
Cannibal Query
If you could have one person for dinner, living or dead, who would it be?
-Streeter Seidell
I write "World's Worst Job Award!" on dollar bills and keep them in my car just for toll booths.
-Amir Blumenfeld
If Emo Bands Were Like Rappers And Recorded Skits
*answering machine picks up*
"Hey Artemis, it's Nate. Just heard the new record and I gotta say this thing is so sad. Reminds me of Beth so much I nearly cried while listening. Gotta go, Cambria's sending me a bulletin on MySpace. Later!"
*answering machine click*
-Jeff Rubin
The only thing worse than standing next to your waiter at the urinal is standing next to your waitress at the urinal.
-Chris Richman
Click here to submit your own 105%.
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