You're all insecure and you like to be critiqued by people who don't have the credentials to do it, that's where I come in. Your selected major which you spend time and precious loonies (or "dollars") on is actually a window into your life, and I am the creepy homeless man peeping  through it.

I seeee yooouuu.......

You like to use big words when it isn't necessary so you can feel like maybe you're not wasting your money. "I do envision the conscientious of the primarily apprehensive to occur at the utmost-" Whatever, you're still unemployed.

Computer Science

Focusing on your studies can be hard, especially when you've just reached level 23 with your elf mage. Stop trying to put your penis in the C drive and go get a hooker. Although you'll probably rule the world in 10 years so don't get too down on yourself.  

Nutrition/Health Science

You like to make us feel bad about ourselves so you can profit from it. "Luke, why are you eating that? It's disgusting." Well I happen to like my chip n' gravy sandwich you manipulative son of a bitch. Why must you taunt us with your healthy life style and Nazi like discipline? We get it, we're pitiful, nobody is going to argue with you because you scare the shit out of us.

Political Science

You're our future lawyers and politicians; responsible, hard working and bloodsucking. You come out at night and that's only to prey on the weak and the innocent, like handicaps and school children.

Mathematics

You love numbers and objective work, but they don't love you back. They don't hold you at night when you cry. You like to roll around in your pages of homework naked, and when we ask where you got all your paper cuts from; you stare silently into space until we get uncomfortable and walk away.

Police Foundations

Have you been picked on your whole life? Do you have serious rage and alcohol problems? Do you have a passionate hate for minorities? Of course you do, that's why you want to be a police officer, because once you have a gun you can just shoot away your emotional problems.

Art

You tried drugs, pregnancy, and felonies but now you're striving for one final act to piss off your parents; an art degree. Good luck with that mame or homosexual sir.