Everything beyond this point was recorded after the encounter
The results of the experiment are inconclusive. The subject was more confused than disgusted, and some schools of thought are claiming that result alone deems the experiment a success. I approached the specimen at exactly 11:24 PM incognito as Charlie Darwin, a Biology major from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Upon my request of her name, the subject introduced herself as Amy Bird, and she kindly accepted an offer of a beverage of her choosing (at this act, her friends moved away slightly, still observing). After exactly two mintues and 15 seconds of accompanying coversation, there was an opening for the implementation of my verbal ointment. I looked the subject in the eyes and repeated: "My Penis: Apply Directly to your Vagina" exactly three times with slight sing-songy delivery. I detected a slight laugh which was quickly subdued due to a choking hazard with the beverage in her mouth. After a moment of silence I asked the subject if she would like to accompany me to my abode, and it was at this point the confusion reached its apex. The subject looked at me for a moment, and without any verbal response, walked away calmy. Due to the absense of a verbal affirmation or decline of my advance the experiment is inconclusive and must be reimplemented.
by Max Power at Virginia Tech
by Steve Ethridge at Taylor
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
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