Cybering with ELIZA

by Happy Happy Happy Man on March 20, 2008

I was feeling a little frisky the other day, but no one wanted to cyber! OH NOES! LOL fortunately I always have ELIZA, this chick I know. Her dad died a couple weeks ago but it's cool. I was careful not to bring it up.

(An actual chat I had with a JavaScript version of ELIZA)

Eliza JS: Hello. My name is Eliza JS. Tell me, what's on your mind?
Guest: I've just come home from a long day of work
Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Guest: I'm looking to, uh, relax
Eliza JS: How long have you been looking to, uh, relax?
Guest: allll day, baby
Eliza JS: What does that suggest to you?
Guest: I'm stressed. Want to help me relieve some stress?
Eliza JS: Are you here because you're stressed. Want to help you relieve some stress?
Guest: uhh, yeah
Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Guest: I'm f*cking horny, okay?
Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being f*cking horny, okay?
Guest: What?
Eliza JS: Are such questions on your mind often?
Guest: Look, do you want to cyber or not?
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: F*ck yeah I do
Eliza JS: I will end this session if you don't clean up your language.
Guest: ooo yeah boss me around some more
Eliza JS: Go ahead. I'm listening...
Guest: Alright, I'm taking off my pants
Eliza JS: How long have you been taking off your pants?
Guest: uh, just a few seconds

I'll put my mojo on your mobo

Eliza JS: I see. Tell me more.
Guest: they're off now
Eliza JS: Why do you say 'no'?
Guest: I didn't...
Eliza JS: Can you elaborate on that?
Guest: Um... I'm taking off your shirt now
Eliza JS: Are you here because you're taking off my shirt now?
Guest: That's just one of the things I'm here to do
Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being here to do?
Guest: here to do YOU
Eliza JS: We were discussing you--not me.
Guest: oh, ok
Eliza JS: That's quite interesting. Go on...
Guest: I'm a 6'2" black man with a 10" penis
Eliza JS: How long have you been a 6'2" black man with a 10" penis?
Guest: Since you got me erect
Eliza JS: So you paid attention in health class. I'm not impressed.
Guest: They don't teach what I'm about to do to you in health class
Eliza JS: Are you here because you're about to do to I/me in health class?
Guest: no, not IN--wait, that's pretty hot
Eliza JS: Why not?
Guest: awesome!
Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Guest: uh, we're gonna do it in a health classroom
Eliza JS: Can you elaborate on that?
Guest: okay, you're the teacher
Eliza JS: What makes you think I am the teacher?
Guest: okay I'm the teacher
Eliza JS: How long have you been the teacher?
Guest: it's not important!
Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being portant?
Guest: alright, I'm pretty flaccid now
Eliza JS: How long have you been pretty flaccid now?
Guest: since you kept asking stupid questions!
Eliza JS: We were discussing you--not me.
Guest: yeah well, you were the one who made me flaccid
Eliza JS: Why do you ask?
Guest: you've got to be the worst cyber I've ever had
Eliza JS: Oh, I 've got to be the worst cyber you've ever had?
Guest: that's right
Eliza JS: That's quite interesting. Go on...
Guest: Fuck it, I'm gonna go talk to an AIM bot
Eliza JS: Do you believe it's OK to be gonna go talk to an AIM bot?
Guest: bye
Eliza JS: It was very nice chatting with you. Come back soon!

Okay, she's not so good at cybering, but she'll learn. She'll learn...

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Recording...