105%

Issue #53

by 105%-O-Matic March 25, 2008


All the fun of a Stephen King novel, without the crappy ABC mini-series.

Awesome tramp stamp idea for a homosexual gentleman: "Members Only."
-Derek Walborn
Unfortunate News
The world's only police sketch artist was killed today. Nobody will ever know who did it...
-Amir Blumenfeld
Dial-up is a lot like giving birth. It's painful, slow, and you'll probably scream and bleed at some point, but at least at the end you're rewarded with a naked person.
-Greg
I missed SNL again this week. That's six years in a row, I have to go to get DVR.
-Jeff Rubin
Reality Check
Today, as I watched TV with my father, I realized that the History Channel is just really boring reality TV.
-Rei Estrada
Advertising Slogans in Real Life
"I gotta have my pops!" cried the orphaned boy.

"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline," said the doctor of the debilitating skin condition radiating out from the young woman's eyelid.

"Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm... Toasty!" screamed the Quiznos ad executive's retarded nephew.
-Streeter Seidell
Some people think men who cry during a romantic movie are weak. I just think they're good actors.
-Patrick Cassels
Click here to submit your own 105%.
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