CollegeHumor Quiz

Is It Safe To Masturbate?

by Kevin Corrigan April 03, 2008


Your roommate is out. Your favorite porn site was just updated, and you've got one thing on your mind. Is it safe to whip it out and start going at it, or will you be caught with your hands covered in shame?

How long ago did your roommate leave?
1 hour-ish (0 points)
3 hours or more (1 point)
30 minutes-ish (2 points)
10 minutes or less (3 points)

Did they take anything with them?
Nothing (0 points)
Gym Bag (1 point)
Books (2 points)
Laundry (3 points)

What time of day is it?
Night (0 points)
Evening (1 point)
Morning (2 points)
Afternoon (3 points)

What's the weather like?
Snowy and freezing (0 points)
Rainy and shitty (1 point)
Beautiful, warm (2 points)
Meh. Not bad, not great (3 points)

Do you have a copy of your roommate's schedule?
No (0 points)
No, but I kind of know it (1 point)
Yes, but they may have changed some classes around since it was made (2 points)
Yes (3 points)

How easy is your door lock to operate?
Our door doesn't have a lock so it's really easy (0 points)
Pretty easy. The lighting is great outside so you never have to fumble to find the hole and the key slides right in like butter (1 point)
It's a normal lock. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it takes a couple tries (2 points)
It's tricky. It's nearly impossible to tell which way the key should go (3 points)

Is your computer visible from the doorway?
Yes (0 points)
No (3 points)

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Kevin Corrigan

Kevin Corrigan

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