Roommate Confessions

Issue 20

by Jeff Rosenberg April 04, 2008

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

My freshman year I roomed with a guy who was a little on the dirty side, ok, well lets not sugar coat it, his nickname was slob. Well my sophomore year I was rooming with a new friend and well some things never change, and my old roommate picked up a newer dirty roommate. The floor I was on decided to get him back one night at Wal-Mart when they were giving away roasted chickens. My buddy's and I came up with a great prank so we decided to pick one up. One weekend while the two dirty guys were out at a frat party getting drunk, my buddy's and I went into their room, uncovered the chicken and put it under their futon. The next day anytime we walked by their room or talked with them we couldn't help but laughing and they didn't catch on. As weeks went by pizza boxes and dirty clothes piled up and they knew nothing of the chicken. Two months later we finally had enough of the smell and told them about the chicken. They had no idea about it. It came out from under that futon covered in a white fur and looked like a rabbit.
Dave, Tri-State University

The guys next door were total douche bags. They would do stuff like break beer bottles on the bathroom floor or set off fireworks in the hallway at 4am on a Tuesday. One time they puked on our door. I wasn't sure how I would get them back...until I read Roommate Confessions! The piss puck was a great idea, but I wanted to take it one step further. They left early for spring break. So I cracked open some eggs into a pie pan, froze it, popped out the frozen disk and slid it under their door. When they came back from break, they found a rotten puddle of egg goo in the middle of their room. Now they just stay at their frat house. Thanks College Humor for saving my life!
Matt, South Dakota State University

Last year I had the worst roommate known to mankind, it was my freshman year and I hated him from day one. The kid made every attempt to try to flaunt his wealth, and at first I ignored it, but eventually when you have the day off and are woken up at 7:30 am to him spraying an entire bottle of expensive cologne it gets bad. What really did it for me was when he and his girlfriend both got pneumonia and decided to barricade themselves in my room. I was exiled from my room for two weeks because I was fearful of getting sick. I ended up getting sick that year, but not from him, rather I got mono. To give him payback for all the shit he did to me, I regularly drank from his orange juice and milk and make sure to leave extra backwash.
Anonymous, Union College

The father of this kid we knew freshman year had bought a house and a bunch of friends were going to live there. After three semesters he had already kicked two people out and was an ass to the people who lived there. Over break they emptied their hot tub so I plugged it in while they were gone and ruined the heater and the filter, the thing is destroyed. He has no idea who did it.
Anonymous, Brockport

I had no problem with my roommate. We got along, but didn't really hang out or anything. I decided to play a joke on him. When I was in the woods, I picked several leaves of poison oak and put them into a plastic sandwich bag. When I got back, I spread the leaves over the toilet seat in the bathroom only he and I used. For the next week or so, I always made sure to use the downstairs bathroom if I needed to take a dump. A couple months later I told him what I had done. He just stared at me with a look of hatred and then instantly told the Resident in Charge (the house was managed by the university). I was kicked out of the house at the end of the term. Apparently he had been in a lot of pain if he tried to sit down or had any contact with the swollen area. He had to spend about a week lying on his stomach in his room without any pants on. I don't blame him for getting me kicked out.
Nathan, Oregon State

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