Dear Yoornul,

It is me, Elian Gonzalez, the boy who cause a bunch of people to be upset for some reason but no one remembers why. I am now fourteen yeers old, and I am having puberty. "Please, someone stop the horny," I sometimes say, but it does not stop. I am now able to grow mustache.

Ocho years ago, I come to America to have opportunity. It was fun time! I go to Disney World and meet Goofy the dog and Donald the duck. I go to White House and meet Bill Clinton and his wife Monica. Many people gived me soft bears and candy and nice card. Sadly, the TV cameras did not stop taking my peecture, a man point a gun at me, and Janet Reno give me hug. So they take me back to Cuba.

It OK tho, things are good! I have now many friends, including Fidel Castro who give me cigars when I get an A on my arithmetic. Fidel Castro, he give me his hat and say, "You are now Fidel! Now everyone try and shoot you!" We laugh for many time. My Dad, he always say "Elian, go be in movie and make me lots of money," and I say "But I want to learn in school and go to college," and he say "Be in movie or I send you back over in aluminum boat," but then Fidel show him knife and he is quiet.

I hope to come back to America soon and meet TV star Hayden Pantierre. She is my hero! She have very soft skin I want to touch. She use her powers to do magic on my heart. I will come and marry her, and the TV will call us Haylion Pantalez. She will fix my horny. Bless the USA!

Excited,

Haylian