Here is the first installment of Rejectedjokes.com's Assorted Jelly Beans. Illustrated by Steve Dressler, written by me.

by Kevin Corrigan at Rowan
by Ben Schwartz at Union
by How To Suck At Life
Owner of a Lonely Heart and Smooth Criminal, violin style. Classic music just got more classical.
Things look a little different when you're intoxicated...
A cavalcade of Hollywood stars give Americans a dozen reasons not to visit the polls this November.
Fight Club, Home Alone and your other favorite films just got a lot shorter.
"The American People are attending Economic Crisis '08"
Through some housing error, a university put all Resident Advisors on the same floor. This is that floor.
The real lyrics are finally released
Yet another reason not to fall asleep in the commons room.