Aliza Shvarts Breaks Up with her Boyfriend

by Mindy Raf on April 23, 2008

Aliza: Can we talk?

Boyfriend: Sure.

Aliza: I think we should break up?

Boyfriend: For real?

Aliza:Well, I can't really tell you if this is real or not. The nature ofthis break-up doesn't consist of any certainties, you know?

Boyfriend: Stop talking like that and just tell me, are you really breaking up with me or not?!

Aliza: I can't! It's impossible to accurately identify the break-up. I'm sorry.

Boyfriend: (sigh)So, I guess we're over?

Aliza: Yes. But fictitiously. And factually, too. Our break-up, in a sense, is a long narrative of truthful lies.

Boyfriend: What? What do you mean?

Aliza: I'm sorry, but I have to stay ambiguous for the sake...of the break-up.

Boyfriend: Wait, is this one of your "art" projects?! I told you from the beginning: don't involve 'us' in your 'art.' That's my deal breaker!

Aliza: I'm not! I don't love you anymore. It's over.

Boyfriend: Fine. This better be real though because I'm going to tell people.

Aliza: Fine. Good

Boyfriend: Oh...wait a minute. I get it! You're just telling me we're breaking up soI can tell EVERYONE about it. But really, the actual break-up will bethe product of everyone's reaction to this pseudo break-up. Nice try, but I'm not falling for it.

Aliza: Don't try to understand me, baby. You're not smart enough.

Boyfriend: Sorry. So...are we still together?

Aliza: Yes, but just as a concept.

Boyfriend: Can I f*ck you later?

Aliza: Yes. Except the vagina as a receiver of the dick is a total myth, so we'll have to experiment.

Boyfriend: Cool.

Aliza: Hey sweetie, will you grab that plastic over there and lay it out on the floor so I can bleed on it?

Boyfriend: Yeah, no problem. Wait...for "real?"

http://www.courant.com/news/local/hc-yaleart0423.artapr23,0,3218278.story

http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/24559