(Dan is sitting at his desk staring at a blank word document. It is 3am and he has a HUGE paper due that very morning. To rationalize his procrastination, Dan's schizophrenia gives personalities to the objects in the room!! And let me tell you, they think that homework is a BAD IDEA!)

Dan: Oh man. What am I going to do? I'm never going to become a successful I-banker if I don't ace this paper on the history of method acting! Maybe I should just drop out of school tonight. Ugh, well I should really be writing this paper, so I might as well get started...

Chips&Salsa: You sure you wanna do that ese?!

Dan: Who said that?

Chips&Salsa: The mouse under your desk.

Dan: (looking at the mouse) You can talk?!

Chips&Salsa: Nah, I'm just f*cking with you...it's Chips&Salsa homes! What up?

Dan: Oh hey Chips&Salsa, you scared me...I thought that mouse was talking, and THAT woulda been WEIRD! HAHA! So what's new?

Chips&Salsa: We're lonely...don't you think you should...EAT US?!?!?!

Dan: Well, it does sound more fun than this paper...

Youtube.com: HOLD UP YOU SHOULD SPEND YOUR TIME WITH ME BECAUSE I'M FUNNY!!!! SEE?!?! HAHA CHRIS CROCKER IS AWESOME RIGHT?!!!! WATCH ME WATCH ME WATCH ME I NEED ATTENTION AND FRIENDS...

Dan: Wow Youtube.com, you sure are great.

Perezhilton.com: You sure about that Dan? Because I heard that Youtube.com is f*cking your girlfriend, and I am NOT lying. I like boys.

Dan: Oh geez! Not Jennifer! What should I do?

ebaumsworld.com: If you kill her, I'll tape it...

Dan: But I love her - just yesterday she gave me a card in the shape of a catcher's mitt that said "I Glove You"...THAT'S SO CUTE...she's so clever...she should really do improv...

ebaumsworld.com: I'm telling you man - stick a pen through her eye and you'll get a digg or two...

Youtube.com: YOU ARE SICK YOU ARE SICK YOU ARE SICK SICK SICK!!!

Youporn.com:You think that's sick? You gotta check out this hungarian chick...oh my GOD! Hey Dan, you didn't watch all of today's new vids...first time in months...you feeling okay?

Dan: Oh, yea...I'm fine, I've just been really busy all day with this paper...oh no, I really have to write this paper!

Party: F*ck that sh*t! You need to come out here and Van Helsing these sl*ts...WE'RE GETTIN DRUNKKKK!!

Dan: Party, how are you talking? You're not an object - more of a concept or event...

Party: I know...that's what makes me even more intriguing...COME ON - GET WASTED!!!

Youtube.com: POWERTHIRST!

Youporn.com: Oh yea...yea...YEA F MY P!!!

Dan: Okay, well...I guess I'll just go to the party then!

ebaumsworld.com: Remember...if you're gonna date rape anyone, turn the camera on first...

Mouse under desk: Go get'm kid...

Chips&Salsa: Wow, he CAN talk!!!

Perezhilton.com: OMG I HATE MICE! EEEK!

Everyone: Haha good times!

Facebook.com: STATUS:OWWWWW EBAUMSWORLD.COM JUST STABBED ME IN THE EYE!!!