Prospective students:

Step inside the world of Pennsylvania State University,a community of half hearted learners dedicated to the furthering of the art ofalcohol consumption.  Here at Penn Stateyou'll find students from all majors, from the useful students in Engineeringto kings of bullshit in the Liberal Arts, mixed together at oversized partiesthrown in undersized, ridiculously expensive apartments.  Our university provides a new way forstudents to think about life and the world. Just by exploring the campus with one of the famous Lion Ambassadortours, you'll soon come to realize that diversity isn't as important as theNorthface fleece, leggings, and Ugg boots combination that represents the heartof Penn State's values. 

At Penn State,we also believe that education is a state of mind; that is, you have to be inthe right mindset to go to class, otherwise it's not even worth it.  Catching up on sleep and hangover recoveryhave become of utmost importance to the PSU community and are accepted ways oflife.  In addition, we believe that justbecause you're paying for a "great" education doesn't mean that you have to getone, or even know what you're studying. That's why we created the revolutionary Division of UndergraduateStudies to help students on their path to nowhere while we continue to makemoney off their tuition fees. 

No matter what you're major, restassured that you will have over trained professors who you will never have toknow personally due to our unusually large class sizes.  And if you're worried about missing class,you can always opt for one of our University's many online classes, whichreally require nothing of you or your time. If you're looking for four years of hard partying intermingled withsparse class attendance resulting in a degree that looks good on a résumé, Penn Stateyour place for higher education!

Hope to see you soon!

Sincerely,

Dr. "Teddy" Graham Spanier