105%

Issue #58

by 105%-O-Matic April 29, 2008

May or may not contain peanuts, depending on what exactly those things are.

I wonder how the paraplegic cavemen drove those prehistoric cars from The Flintstones?

Questions That May Never Be Answered

1. Who Let the Dogs Out?
2. Whose Line Is It Anyway?
3. How have the Baha Men and Drew Carey made more money than I ever will?

-Conor McKeon

Drunk people are a lot like dogs: They're loud, excitable, horny, piss on the furniture and sometimes need to spend the night in a cage.

-Streeter Seidell

Forgetting About Dre

"Remember that time we stood next to a burnt down house with a can full of gas and a handful of matches, and still no one found out? Yeah, good times. It was you, me... and... oh God who else was there! I remember he gave us a bunch of dope beats and taught us how to smoke trees! Ugh... it's on the tip of my tongue!"

-Jake Klocksien

"With great power comes great rice pilaf."
- Uncle Ben

-Simon Rainville

Now that the dust has settled Eliot Spitzer should call a press conference, solemnly walk to the podium, flip off the crowd, and yell, "It was worth it!"

-Jeff Rubin

The History Channel

I Love the '80s for old people?

-Sean Brogan

Second E-Mail Ever

From: Mailer-Daemon

WHO DARE AWAKE ME FROM MY ETERNAL SLUMBER?!?!?!?! Also, last e-mail was undeliverable as nobody else has that yet.

-Amir Blumenfeld

One Internet Acronym That Won't Be Used on Facebook Chat

a/s/l?

-Eddie Strumfels

Beauty and the Beast Ending (Director's Cut)

Lumiere: Ve are all turned back into our human bodeez-
Mrs. Potts: OH MY GOD! CHIP'S SKULL IS CRACKED OPEN!
Chip: Why, mama? Why...? (dies)

-Andrew Bridgman

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