Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

Many people ask me what is my actual reason for writing these rants. I mean, I try to educate the youth, (Jacques luh da kiiidzzz), I try to provoke conversations after reading, and I try to turn as many girls on with my written words as possible.

You can wipe the keyboard now - nasty.

Weave.

That one word strikes so many emotions in many people. Most black men, white women, and white men laugh hysterically. Now before I catch fire from all of my black female readers I point to the disclaimer...and my lower body.

Yes. Suck it.

I am talking about my toes.

Ugh nasty either way. I am ashamed.

But weave is basically horse hair died and created in China for giving women with out the blessing of long hair - long hair. Or if they need a new and intense style change, they can use this also. Or if they are in their lesbian stage in life and they need to show up to dinner with the parents that do not understand that their daughter loves the box -

This is for them too.

(To any lesbians reading this, I am only kidding. I love you people. Really.)

But it is sometime necessary for some people to carry on the look they have.

Now I have a sister and a mother (obviously) so I have a basic grasp on black female hair. Now some Hispanic girls are born with this hair (their mothers cry about it everyday) and it must be taken care of properly in order to grow in CORRECTLY. Now do not misunderstand me here, it MUST be taken care of.

Now every black girl had her "doodoo" braids part of life. This is the part of life which is probably the funniest all together and most entertaining. When my own sister had this, before she became all mean and intellectual and pretty and stuff, the insults would rain down on her like Sodom and Gomorrah.

I mean we were supportive, but damn vicious. Thirteen long years she had that doodoo inspired hair, then she got it permed and she had nice hair after that.

Now would you like to know where a lot of black girls went wrong?

They get their hair permed at 4 years old.

What happens with that? They ruin their hair. For pretty much the rest of their lives.

Now, do not get me wrong some girls look great with the short hair but that ruins it.

Then they get the weave. The weave is an integral part. I am proud to say NONE of my family members uses weave. Now I know some girls walking down the street use weave, but that is a problem they must settle on their own.

But that is like me wearing ACG boots to get a few inches on my height yanno?

Ugh. If I was only taller...