Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

Everyone loves kids. That is probably one of a teenagers favorite things to do. Everything that leads up to actually...having them. Now when you think about it, it is a rampant problem in society. I work at an area where the kids parents are the same age as me. Now besides the fact that a few mothers are drop dead gorgeous (Man I Like Fries - if you get this we are on the same page) some of them look like they have never even had a life.

Well besides their kids at least.

Now in the Ed Hardy rant I already touched on how young parents dress their kids to look like smaller, boogier, cuter images of themselves.

What does this get us?

Weaved up, hoodratted up, kids. These kids have worse attitudes than Susan B Anthony at a steakhouse.

Hehe.

This is why I am going to start a campaign - I Support Taking Candy from Hoodrat Babies.

Yes! This is just like the no child left behind act, except it resembles the Jacques Sweet tooth Act of 2005.

I am all for taking candy from a baby that looks flyer than me. Why? Because he obviously does not need it.

I want some damn Jordans. But I cannot afford them. Why?!!? Because I have to pay for some other stuff. And what gets lost in the translation of the other stuff?

Some fucking candy.

So, I am going to take candy from every little kid with fresh Jordans I see on Jamaica Avenue. When their parents get mad at me, (when they are not hitting on other women, WELCOME TO JAMAICA AVENUE) I will say,

"He does not need any candy. He might drop it on his fresh Jordans. Me and my Vans need some candy".

I am all for punting the kids shortly afterwards too.

I mean, dressing your kid to look like you just because you could not spend 3 dollars on a condom is something that really should not be happening. Instead of working on the alphabet or making sure, the most prominent figure in your child's life is not Kayla Suxxx and 50 Cent, you spend money on Jordans.

Not only Jordans, any other overly priced made by Asians in a sweatshop sneaker.

Depressing.

I am talking about the Asian sweatshop workers, not the babies. It is actually pretty funny. I laugh when I see that the kid talks in broken English (not because he did not speak English when he was born. THOSE parents know the deal. You will NEVER see those kids growing on those circumstances).

Something you people should think about, if a child does not learn his/her alphabet colors and numbers by kindergarden, they have an 80% chance of dropping out of high school.

And becoming a statistic.

I am a statistic though.

95% Sexy dark chocolate male. 5% Short.

The short is not that important.