Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

This weeks topic is probably going to be bettering yourself.

Happy Birthday Erin and Doug "Bitch" Kropp.

You ever have writers block?

Yes?

Well this rant is not about that.

Student Loans.

Read that.

Did you mess your pants yet? Because I did.

Those two words, for some, will dominate the next 20 - 30 years of your life. I am all scholarshipped up so I do not have to deal with that many student loans but I know some people who do. These loans are going to be your boyfriend/girlfriend for the next 20 years and will beat you in a constant fit of rage every month. These loans are worse than herpes, the clap, or crustaceans infesting your genitals, it is truly the gift that keeps on giving - for 30 years. These student loans are not really thought about right now at this day and age of the average college freshman, but they are brought up on one major occasion.

Refund Day.

Now I do not really see that much of this at St Johns, but through conversations with friends, when people get their refund it is like the first of the month for crack heads.

If I am correct, (when am I not? Eat it yo!), these refunds are coming out of your student loans. Loans is the keyword.

Something you take.

That you have to pay back.

Or give back.

There is no five-finger discount or the exhilaration of watching a girl being pressured into stealing from Claire's from the first time.

O they grow up so quickly.

Then they turn into smuts.

This money must be paid back (if I am correct) and the money that people are getting is just borrowed money. However, who here wants to take a guess at what these people ACTUALLY do with the money?

Well, my friend overheard a conversation that said,

"I got my refund nigga! Ima buy me some clooooooooooooo(insert lisp)thheeeeeeeee(exit lisp)sssss.

That was raw.

Is this not the complete irony? Spending something which you know u have to give back. That is like literally, "borrowing condoms" from people and promising them to give it back.

You know your life is going to mess up so lets keep trying.

These refunds are going to eat you up in the long wrong.

Like a lobster.

And we do not want to be Zoidberg do we?

Save that money instead of spending it, because you are going to have to pay It back sooner or later anyway