Celebrity Now

Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

by Kate Spencer May 15, 2008

Is there a presidential election going on? Because all I see see is skin.

Kim Kardashian loves looking at herself in a bikini, and so do I. [Egotastic]

On the other hand, Lily Allen gets naked to go swimming, and she looks exactly like what you imagine your sister to look like naked. Judge for yourself here: [Egotastic]

Jessica Simpson's boy toy Tony Romo cheated on her with another plastic looking blonde with fake skin. See a pattern? [DListed]

Angelina Jolie revealed that she is pregnant with twins and due this summer. The fact that she looks fucking hot while doing so goes without saying. [DListed]

Britney is vacationing in Costa Rica right now with Mel Gibson. In other news, the entire country of Costa Rica has immigrated to Canada. [WWTDD]

Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan is gay because her BFF Sam Ronson showed up with her in France with a neck hickey; and now there are pics of them snuggling at dinner. We just think LiLo got sick of looking at all that Hollywood peen. [WWTDD]

Shania Twain is getting a divorce. That don't impress anyone much, because no one knows who she is anymore. [IDLYITW]

Oh hey now! Britney Spears has been covering up her stomach, which of course means she's pregnant and not hiding her big ol' Cheeto-stuffed belly. [IDLYITW]

If I gave a shit about Gossip Girl, I'd probably care that the chick who plays Serena and the dude who plays Dan are totally making out poolside while on vacation together in Mexico. But I don't, so I don't. [CelebSlam]

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are fucking in pools too. [CelebSlam]

Maxim thinks Marisa Miller is the Hottest Woman of 2008. I think she's barely a step up from Fergie. You? [Hollywood Tuna]

Your cruise director,
Captain Bruisin'