What Sex and the City Character Am I?: Bad News for Males

           As many of you know this spring marks the release of the new   "Sex and the City" feature length film. Much like other men I was not upset when this show ended its run on T.V., and was not excited to learn of its upcoming move to theatres. This is not necessarily because I think the show to be of poor quality, but instead because it seems to foreshadow the inevitable reemergence of the "Which Sex and the City character do you think I am?" question that has been asked by most girlfriends to their unwitting boyfriends since it premiered several years ago. Often times an incorrect response to this question will result in harsh feelings, and non enjoyable interactions. Why girls give a shit about this shit I can't answer, however I have seen many episodes of this show, and I believe I have formulated a comprehensive guide to answering this question safely, with respect to varying women and relationships.  (I grew up with two older sisters in a house with one T.V. I could also probably tell you a lot about Dawson's Creek, Party of Five, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, if you asked me.).  But anyway, here it is:

The Carrie: Telling your girlfriend that she is most like Carrie will most likely net positive results. She is a good all-around response especially for a girl you have just recently started dating. Now I know what you're thinking: Why would any woman want to be likened to that ? (See Image). However the reality is that women do not realize just how unattractive Sara Jessica Parker is to the typical American man. I mean let's be serious. She has to be the ugliest "hot" girl in the world.  With that being said, the character of Carrie on the show is seen as the embodiment of the independent, but still sexy, modern woman. Your girlfriend will feel like you respect her for her mind and body. This will make your girlfriend happy, and in turn your life will become more peaceful.

 Although this is most likely your safest response, it is not always optimal. Telling a girl you just met, and hoping to hook-up with later in the night you think she is a Carrie will probably come across as phony. Women are intelligent fickle creatures, and if they sense that you are not being genuine they will be turned off. Even the densest of females will sense your not-so-noble intentions, and your "game" will face a serious setback. I would avoid telling a girl she is a "Carrie" unless you have been dating her for more than a month, or its if its just really how you feel.

 

The Charlotte: This character is also a decent response. Charlotte is feminine, motherly, and overall pretty sweet. It does not hurt that she also happens to be by far the best looking of the show's four main characters. This is important because when backed into a corner you can  claim to have not seen the show, and that you simply picked the hottest. Telling your girlfriend she is most like Charlotte is best if she is more of the traditional female that dreams of a fancy wedding, loving husband, and beautiful kids.

          There are certain women that will not appreciate being referred to as a "Charlotte". For a girlfriend who is a feminist, you know a real "Susan B. Anthony" type, Charlotte is not best for your particular situation. She will think you have completely misjudged her, and see her as a homemaker with no ability to be self supportive, rather than an independent powerful woman. The more modern woman will normally not see this assessment as a compliment.  In general Charlotte is a pretty safe bet, but I recommend some caution when utilizing this response.

  

The Samantha: Samantha is definitely the most promiscuous of the "Sex and the City" foursome. She is openly slutty and is normally sleeping with a different man in each episode. Most girlfriends will not appreciate you likening her to Samantha. This could be seriously detrimental to preserving positive interactions with your girlfriend, because no girl likes to be thought of as "easy". She will believe you see her as a slut who has had many sexual partners in her past. This will inevitably lead to her making the conclusion that you don't take the relationship seriously, and amicable interactions will not follow. Do not answer with Samantha if you are at least in a semi-serious relationship.

               Although it seems that Samantha is a bad route to take in answering this question, this is not always the case. Some women like to be lightly teased by the guy whose affection they seek.  A woman that you are not dating, but would like to hook-up with in the very near future, may find you funny, and therefore attractive, for making fun of her. Your ever-so-slight jeer aimed at the object of your desire can, if used correctly, result in successful relations in your future. A one way ticket to sexy-time-town.

The Redhead (a.k.a. Miranda): I would never recommend using this character as a response to the "Sex and the City" question. Although she may seem to be a good choice because of the success in her professional life, no woman can overlook the relative unattractiveness that Miranda represents. Miranda is the kind of girl that gives guys that unexplainable feeling where your balls seem to crawl back into your body. Sort of like the sensation you feel when discussing vasectomies, severe nut shots or kidney stones. Not only is she physically unappealing, but she also happens to be a huge witch that can never seem to cease her cock-blockish attitude throughout the series. Telling your girlfriend is she is a "Miranda" is equivalent to calling her a 'stank breath hoe". In one word: Yuck.  Your girlfriend may not become visibly angry if you call her a "Miranda", however she will be internally hurt, which is in fact much more dangerous.  For all intents and purposes, simply pretend this character is not part of your possible choices at all.