Middle-class singles at Barnes and Noble who read cartoon compilations like Cathy Guisewite's "Shoes: Chocolate For the Feet" make this reporter freakin' sick.

"Why wouldthey put a handle on that side of the door if you're supposed to push it," Shubik queried accusingly to the little girl trying to enter through that same door, who had not acknowledged him prior to his comment.

The outburstwas apparently born of frustration stemming from inadequate book-searchingmechanisms, coupled with the spirit-crushing displays catering to£ertain mundane suburbansubcultures.

"I was alittle PO'd that I had to wait in line to ask a woman behind a computer to findthe book I wanted.They could justput that search engine on, like, 5 other computers for patrons to use," Shubik said,adding, "and am I supposed to tip her or what?Because I didn't."

He seemedoverwhelmed at the idea that he shares a geographical bond with so many"lame-o's."

"Thereseemed to be some cool stuff in the store, and I even considered coming backsome time to get a coffee and do a little reading, until I got closer to thecheck-out aisle," Shubik said."Stuffkept getting lamer and lamer.The Atkins Diet, The New Atkins diet, apage-a-day calendar called Cats In Hats?

"Come on,this is freakin' Jersey for cryin' out loud," he said.

Possibly thebiggest contributing factor to his display of rage was the inadvertent surpassing ofhis Fathers' Day budget (FDB).ŠAccording to financial records, Shubik allotted continuously more money tothe FDB annually beginning in kindergarten, and peeking in the 9grade when his father asked if the TV antenna he received could be used as arain gauge for the garden like he'd asked for.

"I figuredtwo books can't be all that much-and one of them was 20% off," Shubik said.Upon hearing of the $50.53 bill fromthe clerk, Shubik replied with a pleasant "Alrighty," but actually had a mildpanic attack and threw up a little in his mouth.

He continued,"do you have any gum?"

Shubik admitshis initial reaction did little to reverse the trend toward an all-around badday.

"The doorthing was just the last straw, I'm sorry man," he announced in a public apologyto the little girl's burly father.