Your Politicians, Translated

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Once elected, I will immediately begin working for you.
Once elected, I will immediately begin working on getting re-elected.
I am constantly reminded of a single mother of four I met on the campaign trail.
I am constantly reminded by my campaign manager to mention poor people in my speeches.
My opponent is an elitist who is out of touch with the average American.
My opponent has a yacht that is 10 feet longer than mine.
Being born an American has given me opportunities most can never dream of.
Being born a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant has given me opportunities most can never dream of.
I can't thank you enough for your support.
I can't thank you enough for your money.
I approved this message.
...Unless you didn't like it. Then I had nothing to do with it.
I'm going to fight for each and every one of you.
I'm going to generalize you all into one big group, then do whatever I want.
My faith is important to me.
My faith is as important to me as you want it to be.
Those words were taken out of context.
Sh*t.
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