Lesser Known Transformers

by Mark M on July 02, 2008

After the commercial success of Transformers last summer, everyone has been abuzz about the sequel, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. What's even better is that as someone who lives outside of Philadelphia, a major shooting location for the firm, I've been close to rumor sources. Here's a few lesser known transformers that may be in the sequel:

Name: Condescendetron

Affiliation: Autobot
Disguise: Daimler AG "Smart" Car
Method of Attack: Smug criticism of the other transformer's inefficient fuel economy, prolonged diatribes of "the rape of Mother Earth carried out by yuppies like you."
Insiders Take: "Given the tension from the failings of American automakers in this economy, we thought we'd give a salute to Old Glory with some good old fashioned xenophobia. Condescendetron, taking the form of an environmentally friendly and French-produced car, isn't an enemy, but a tenuously tolerated ally - just like in real life! On top of all of this, our writers came up with some great ˜Europeans are less manly and smell' jokes."

Name: Shrillscream

Affiliation: Autobot
Disguise: Clothing Rack
Method of Attack: Accusing enemies of being a "Silly Goose", and upon further confronation, a flurry of limp-wristed slaps.
Insider's Take: "After Frenzy infiltrated Air Force one as a boombox, tons of doors were opened for transformers to take shapes other than vehicles. The product placement for a Transfomer that could reside in a department store are endless! So long PepsiCo, General Motors, Burger King - we've got Saks 5th Avenue on the phone!"

Name: Driveby

Affiliation: Decepticon
Disguise: Cadillac Escalade on 24" Spinner Rims
Method of Attack: A good old fashion Glock. When not taking on Autobots directly, Driveby sells crack in an attempt to slowly bring humans down by their own pipes.
Insider's Take: Having the Transformer that likes to dance, dies first, and is named "Jazz" voiced by African-American actor Darius McCary was slightly too veiled stereotyping - we're recitifying that mistake in the sequel by bringing in Ja Rule to voice Driveby."

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