Darth Vader's Eulogy (by his best friend)

by FunBox Comedy on July 10, 2008

Today we celebrate the life of my friend Darth. Darth was six feet eight inches of obsidian-clad, computer-enhanced heart. For a guy born to an enslaved single mother on a desert planet, he accomplished a lot. He was a pilot, a leader, deeply spiritual, and he blew up a planet. Alot of people say they want to blow up a planet, but they never do. Darth went out and blew up that planet.

I first met Darth at a shipyard during work on the Executor. It was a super star destroyer that he was excited about piloting because he thought it might impress girls. Despite this, Darth always seemed to want to talk more about his family. He regretted leaving before his son was born and he was sending probe droids every where to find him.

Darth may have been a powerful Sith Lord, but life wasn't always easy. He had trouble with authority and once got into a swordfight with his teacher and he threw the last boss down a big giant pit to the second Death Star's reactor core. He was also dealt with lavaphobia after getting his most of his face burned off bya volcano.

I'm sure if he were here, he'd be laughing right now, and telling us we're weak and threatening to kill us. And maybe these lumps in our throats mean he's not so far away. He's probably looking down atus right now and using his mind to lightly crush tracheas. That was one of his favorite jokes. I'll miss best friend.