Pants Brigade: Limp and ready for action, sir!
Captain Noggin: Private Eye! I need a status check now.
Private Eye: We got a bogey moving in at 2 miles per hour. She appears to be drunk.
Captain Noggin: Stats?
Private Eye: Weight approximately 200. Wears a tube top.
Captain Noggin: Oh sweet Jesus.
Pants Brigade: What are our orders?
Captain Noggin: Stand down men! I repeat: stand down!
Major Mouth: Ingesting beer... beer ingested.
Captain Noggin: Private Eye, what's the bogey status?
Private Eye: She's at 5 feet and closing and... I'm getting a new status... bogey weighs approximately 160.
Captain Noggin: But that's impossible!
Private Eye: Things are looking blurry, sir.
Pants Brigade: We can't stand down any longer!
Captain Noggin: It must be the alcohol. Everyone, your orders are to stop the alcohol.
Lieutenant Liver: Thank you.
General Tongue: Forget it. Beer is too delicious.
Major Mouth: Ingesting beer... beer ingested.
Private Eye: 2 feet and closing. New status... bogey weighs approximately 120, and looks exactly like that girl from Scrubs.
Pants Brigade: We're going in.
Captain Noggin: Do not mutiny! Pants Brigade you will stand down! I am your commanding officer!!
Pants Brigade: Forget it, Captain. It's our show now.
Major Mouth: Ingesting beer... beer ingested.
Captain Noggin: I'm triggering blackout conditions, effective immediately!
Everything goes black and quiet.
Then...
Captain Noggin: I hate this part of Tuesdays.
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
by Josh Rosenthal at Harvard
by Tommy at Boston College
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
Gmail, Firefox, YouPorn and more speak up to keep you from doing your work.
The Black Ranger is black... the Yellow Ranger is Asian... uh oh.
Look out for d-bags and children on leashes.
Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
It's probably just the microphone. I'm sure this transvestite usually sounds lovely.
Make sure you know what you're really eating this Valentine's Day. $('#chocolate').translate({ 'tag_name': 'span' }); !split Illu
It s the Tuesday before Valentine s Day, which means you only have six days to convince your girlfriend that you�ve been thinking about this occasion since the day you met. Luckily, I m here with a day-by-day breakdown of what you should be doing.
Recording...
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