(Polite applause.)

Bigfoot: I hereby volunteer myself to remain behind the scenes, monitoring our efforts, as the two of you begin a timed attack across the globe.

Loch Ness Monster: You are too kind, my sizably-footed comrade. In truth, though, I must share my chief concern: that leaving the icy bosom of my watery domicile may prove unwise...in this changing climate. Let me remain behind.

Abominable Snowman: I cherish your generosity, but this fear is unfounded. Surely you realize that global warming is but a spurious myth! My perch in the majestic Himalayas offers me the best vantage point from which to supervise our attack. I insist.

Bigfoot: No, no, I will not hear of it! You will be too far away in the mountains. I shall be the one to stay back, and you two shall enjoy the glory of battle.

Abominable Snowman: I beg of you, be not so selfless!

Loch Ness Monster: Friends, it seems we are at an impasse. Very well; I will admit to the fear that smolders within each of our breasts. I am but a simple creature and as such I do not wish to venture out and subject myself to the dangerous gaze of Man. To do so would be to betray the holiest value in our credo: to remain shrouded in mystery, veritably doused in mystique, cast for all eternity in the ranks of a questioned existence, forever doubted and denied!

(Polite applause.)

Bigfoot: You have put words to mine very thoughts, brother.

Abominable Snowman: And mine. But if we cannot agree on who shall be the ones to attack, how can we ever hope to instill fear in the heart of Man?

(They sit, puzzling over their dilemma.)

Loch Ness Monster: Ah! If I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion, perhaps we could conduct a long-distance attack? I have it from my good American acquaintance the Lake Champlain Monster that what Man calls "photographic evidence" can transform even the calmest human into a quivering bowl of frightened jelly.

Bigfoot: It's brilliant!

Abominable Snowman: Then the matter is settled. The "photographic event" shall commence at 0700 hours on the morrow.