Your Boss: I have a special project for you to work on.
Translation: Here is some bullsh*t that I don't feel like doing.
Your Boss: I need you to finish this by the end of the day.
Translation: I am supposed to have it done by the end of the day.
Your Boss: I'm leaving early to run some errands.
Translation: The CEO left early, so I'm going home to get drunk.
Your Boss: Will you print this report for me?
Translation: Will you print this report since I have no idea how to do it myself?
Your Boss: I emailed you about this last week.
Translation: I didn't email you but you have to act like I did since I'm your boss.
Your Boss: Why didn't you take care of that?
Translation: Why didn't you read my mind since you had no other way of knowing?
Your Boss: I never told you that.
Translation: I probably did tell you that, but I'm really old and it's hard to remember.
Your Boss: Can you explain that again?
Translation: Can you say it again since I have ADD?
Your Boss: I was on another call when you called me.
Translation: I was in the middle of Solitaire.
Your Boss: Why do you need that day off?
Translation: Why can't you just live here?
Your Boss: I have no idea where those reports went.
Translation: They are buried in the GIANT stacks of paper on my desk and I'm lazy.
Your Boss: I'm here by 5:00am each morning.
Translation: I have no life.
Your Boss: Here is a memo from Human Resources.
Translation: Throw this away for me.
Your Boss: Can you come to my office?
Translation: Can you walk over here just so I can hand something to you?
Your Boss: Pizza party Friday and you get to leave at 4:00!
Translation: This is what you get instead of a raise!
Your Boss: Why is this in Excel format?
Translation: You know how to use Excel?
Your Boss: Man, I am having a horrible day.
Translation: I am going to go slam three beers from a cooler I keep in my truck.
Your Boss: Good job on that report for the CEO.
Translation: F*ck you, you brown-noser.
by Brangela at MSU
by Sarah Schneider at Wake Forest
by Alex Schmidt at Syracuse
Amir launches the first aerial attack in the war's four year history.
A funny picture from CollegeHumor
So many different shows, you won't realize they're exactly the same!
They don't mean to be the bad guy here...
You skinny, even though you're fat in real life: How the world sees you is very important to you, but not as important as cake.
That is a cool fight! But I think that the woodpecker would die at last, cuz it has been biten by the snake for several times.
Wow, they really took a few steps back for the sequel.
"I love sewage surfing, I just hate how the poop water makes my hair feel."
Recording...
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