105%

Issue #71

by 105%-O-Matic September 08, 2008


It's like The Great Gatsby of writing.

Places I Want To Go Before I Die
The Hospital.
-Tyler Brummet
They say dog is man's best friend. Which makes the fact that my girlfriend slept with my dog even more unacceptable.
-Dan Cho
Real Questions that Sound Like Jokes -- But Aren't
-You know how if you discriminate by race you are a racist? Does that mean if you discriminate by age you are an ageist?
-Why is it when you are driving a ship you are called a captain, but when you are driving a plane you are called a pilot?
-You know the phrase "When all is said and done?" Do we really need the "and done" part?
-Amir Blumenfeld
Scars
They say that chicks dig scars, but try telling that to the last six women I've stabbed.
-Rene Benavidez
When I was 13 my brother asked me how much money it'd cost for me to drink the water from a Port-A-Potty. I told him I'd never pay someone more than 80 dollars.
-Patrick Cassels
A McDonalds $50 gift card is no gift, it's a dare.
-Jeff Rubin
High gas prices are hurting America. If fuel costs continue to rise our rappers will have no choice but to sing about their fleet of Priuses.
-Streeter Seidell
There's a lot about Life that I don't get. Like why do you get the same amount of money for curing the common cold AND becoming president? Also, since when are there five hundred thousand dollar bills?
-Jake Hurwitz
Pickup Lines Of History's Greatest Men
-"Space-time isn't the only thing that's curved"-A. Einstein
-"Fetch me some calomel, Ms.Hemings, I think I may have come down with jungle fever."-T. Jefferson
-"How would you like to be Beethoven's fifth?"-Beethoven
-"You know, there are certain things I could eat during a hunger strike."-M.Ghandi
-Conor McKeon
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