Roommate Confessions

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

My sophomore year roommate was an alright guy, we chose to live together and everything. But he didn't really have a lot of friends other than me, so he would constantly follow me to lacrosse team parties and barbeques and just stand there not talking to anyone. Also, He constantly smelled like pipe tobacco because he would smoke in the room (and inhale!). I convinced him finally to rush a fraternity, which even though it had been something I had always been an avid opponent of, it seemed like a good fit for him. It worked out great for most of the semester because he was never in the room, and I could actually watch something besides Battlestar Galactica. On the night of his formal initiation or whatever, I came home at 3am with my current squeeze to find him with his suit pants around his ankles, swaying like a palm tree in a tropical storm, pissing all over my bed. I screamed his name but he was too obliterated to even process my voice. I suggested to my hussy that we should go to her place, and she of course obliged. The next day I went to the local head shop and bought 4x salvia. When my roommate was still asleep I mixed in the salvia with his pipe tobacco. He had never smoked salvia before. When he woke up finally morning I watched him smoke his pipe, and get the most horrified look on his face. I never told him he smoked salvia, and he dropped out of school because he thought he was insane.

Jeter Swallows, UConn

A friend of mine came to visit me with his then girlfriend in Europe for the summer, actually he was a good friend of mine that's why I felt really bad about porking his girlfriend while he was passed out on my bathroom floor after a night of heavy drinking in Berlin. The next day was like nothing happened and the girlfriend seemed to not care at all, I think I could have porked her again, anyway to ease my conscience I told her I wanted to take my friend to the campus-center really quick to check out some summer German courses. I took him to the red light district of Berlin instead and payed for the lady of his choice. So... after by my logic we're even, I didn't tell him about me and his girlfriend though but my conscience was clear.
Johnny Grunge, Berlin

After you pissed off everyone in my group of friends by mooching beer and other vices, as well as having your ugly stoner friends over for entire weekends and on Monday nights when everyone else had a.m. classes, we decided it was high time for revenge. Me and my best guy friend, who hated you equally as much, ate some nice junk food on your meal plan card, ate all the chips you "sealed off" with masking tape, smeared your mascara on the clothes in your bottom drawer, and drank the goldschlager you thought you were so badass for having in the dorms, putting pics up of it on facebook, which you never saw because I blocked your ass months before. We also put said goldschlager and spit in your contact lens solution. Your eyes must have stung that day, but not as much as mine when I had to look at you in your disgusting hippie outfits every day. PS-everyone enjoyed the AIM convo you had on my computer with your daddy in which you asked him for more money and he shot u down, citing your family's broke ass-ness. Don't worry, maybe your shitty artwork can keep you from starving.
Caitlin, School Not Given

In my freshman year my roommate was sleeping with a girl who came from an extremely traditional muslim family and of course, they don't look too kindly upon that sort of thing, but they lived ages away and never found out. Later we found out that she actually had been sleeping with another guy the whole time, and my roommate didn't even like her that much but we decided to teach her a lesson. We printed out a set of nude pictures of her that my roommate had saved from a webcam conversation with her, placed them in an envelope and mailed them to her father. She packed her stuff and moved away not long after, and we haven't seen or heard from her since. She won't be doing that again.
Sled Smith, School Not Given

Sophomore year this guy in my fraternity had a girlfriend who always hit on me at parties, flashed me, grabbed me, and made all kinds of moves. I always decided since he was my "brother" I wouldn't do anything. When I found out that they were swingers and had sex with other couples, I decided to go for it and I had sex with her after a party and then a couple more times. I guess he found out and ratted me to the fraternity, causing me to get into a few confrontations, receive threats, some so severe that I eventually decided to transfer schools. Over the summer I found out that other brothers had sex with her also and he knew, the only reason he was mad and made a big deal of it was because he didn't like the direction I was taking the fraternity (I was the president). Since his slutty girlfriend had continued to send me naked pictures on my cell and started webcam convos on AIM while he was at work, and I had managed to record one our sexual romps, I decided revenge would be to sell them to one of those "my slutty ex-girlfriend" websites. It paid for my books at my new school, and if this gets posted I'll be sending the link to all my "brothers" back at school to let them know he's a tool and so are they considering some of the ones threatening me ended up being ones who had also slept with her.
Anonymous, Saginaw Valley State

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