How Different Majors React To Seeing Road Kill

by Adam Sharaf on September 24, 2008

Premed- "I wonder what the cause of death was? Looks like head trauma. I think I'll perform the autopsy... where did I leave my scalpel?"

Engineering- "Looks like a car hit this guy. By the amount of damage I'd say it was maybe a 4 door SUV with 4-wheel drive, off-road capabilities. This car should be installed with a small animal collision detector in the front... maybe a scoop devise or something to gently toss the animal out of the way... hmm..."

Film- "This was no accident, this was murder! Who the hell would kill a small animal? They made it look like an accident, but then, right there, it looks like someone performed an autopsy on this little guy! Something strange is going on around here, and I don't like it... Unless this rodent was in fact the killer himself, who went back in time to make this car swerve and hit his past self!"

Accounting- "This is the third dead animal I've seen in the past 3 weeks. It's summer right now so that means 60% more people will be driving in winter but 80% fewer animals come out in the winter. Divide that by the 10% chance of an animal crossing the road to be hit and were talking about... 12,523 dead animals by Christmas! This is a disaster!"

English- "If only he had listened to the great Robert Frost and taken the road less traveled"

Philosophy- "Can we really blame the car for your death? Maybe you wanted to die. Maybe you were dying of a disease, and just wanted to end it before the pain. Maybe your wife just left you. Maybe you were psychotic?"

Business- "Now this is just disgusting. The person just drove off after killing this guy. He should have at least buried him. Maybe put him in a coffin or something. That's it! It's brilliant! Road kill Burying Tool Pack! It'll come with everything you need to bury your road kill! I'm going to be rich!"

Computer Science- "This would make an awesome video game! Road Kill: Killer of the Streets! You get to customize the car you run over small animals with. The faster the animal the more points you get! Or a website where people submit awesome photo's of road kill!"

Communication- "Hello? HELLO? Are you ok? Hello?"

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