Drinking Game: Anchorman

by Alex Bash on September 26, 2008

Pioneering a new era of getting ugly people laid.

A Tragedy Explained: Most think anchors were created to keep ships in place; this is a lie. It's what drink-happy captains told the public to justify having a gigantic cool-shaped keg on board at all times, and Edward John Smith (ill-fated captain of the Titanic) was about as big an imbiber as they come. As the Titanic approached the ice berg, people tried to use the anchor to slow them down only to discover the truth: they were going to be the most happily drunken people to ever drown in the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

Sailors:

Two ships of four.

Supplies:

- Eight quarters (try not to dip into savings).
- A large pitcher of beer.
- Hand-eye coordination.
- Cup to mouth coordination.
- Throat to Stomach coordination.
- Sober to Drunk coordination.

Beer:

Belgium. You will need all the beer in Belgium.

Objective: For your team to bounce all your quarters into the pitcher first while maintaining major organ function.

Setting Sail: Ahoy, fuckers! Divide into two teams of four, each sailor with his own quarter; if he loses it, he has to "walk the plank" (get hit in the balls by a humorous object). Set the pitcher of beer in the middle of the table and position each team on opposite sides.

Everyone counts down together from three in a very dramatic Hollywood-like fashion. When they get to zero, both teams try like deranged livestock to bounce their quarters off the table and into the pitcher of beer. First team to get all four quarters in wins, the other team has to pound the pitcher. Here's the catch: the losing team must pass the pitcher from the first player to the fourth player (a.k.a. the Anchorman), but each player can only bring the pitcher to his lips once, and the Anchorman has to finish whatever is left in the pitcher.

Repeat.

Hoisting Your Sails:

Make sure the Anchorman is either your best drinker or the most naïve freshmen with no tolerance so you have someone's back to keep score on when you run out of paper.

Worst Five People to Meet After Too Much Anchorman:
5). Ex-girlfriend (unless she's a slut)
4). Boss (unless she's a slut)
3). Current Girlfriend's Mom (unless she's a slut)
2). Esteem Political Figure (unless she's a slut)
1). Police Officer (unless she's a slut)

Buy Alex Bash's The Imbible.

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