Doctor: Your grandmother is good as new. We just had to do a little more work than we'd originally planned on.
Me: Whoa, hold on. How much extra work?
Doctor: Well, we suspect she may have had a kidney stone, so we just went ahead and got rid of one em'. Then we did the same thing with the appendix and put in a pace-maker for good measure.
Me: What!? She came in here with a little cough! Couldn't you have just given her some antibiotics?
Doctor: We had to do some extra work, it couldn't be avoided.
Me: How much more is this going to cost me?
Doctor: About $100,000.
Me: $100k!? There's no way my insurance will cover this!
Doctor: That's the way it is. The pacemaker had to be shipped in from Detroit.
Me: I can't spend this much on her. She probably won't even last me another five years!
Doctor: I'm sorry.
Me: Honestly, at this point I might as well just cut my losses and sell her for parts.
Doctor: Is she a donor?
Me: Yeah.
Doctor: We could always use the extra organs.
Me: It's just hard. She's been in the family such a long time.
Doctor: Well, it's $100,000 for the parts and labor.
Me: That's outrageous. Just keep her.
Grandma: Brian, I'm scared.
Me: Go with the doctor, Grandma.
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
by Brian Murphy
by Conor McKeon at Rhode Island
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
Gmail, Firefox, YouPorn and more speak up to keep you from doing your work.
The Black Ranger is black... the Yellow Ranger is Asian... uh oh.
Look out for d-bags and children on leashes.
Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
I'm lonely.
"It didn't have to come to this..."
The dog was the first one down at the party... just so happens we had markers and a kid to keep entertained haha
Parking Fail
Recording...
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