Doctor: Your grandmother is good as new. We just had to do a little more work than we'd originally planned on.
Me: Whoa, hold on. How much extra work?
Doctor: Well, we suspect she may have had a kidney stone, so we just went ahead and got rid of one em'. Then we did the same thing with the appendix and put in a pace-maker for good measure.
Me: What!? She came in here with a little cough! Couldn't you have just given her some antibiotics?
Doctor: We had to do some extra work, it couldn't be avoided.
Me: How much more is this going to cost me?
Doctor: About $100,000.
Me: $100k!? There's no way my insurance will cover this!
Doctor: That's the way it is. The pacemaker had to be shipped in from Detroit.
Me: I can't spend this much on her. She probably won't even last me another five years!
Doctor: I'm sorry.
Me: Honestly, at this point I might as well just cut my losses and sell her for parts.
Doctor: Is she a donor?
Me: Yeah.
Doctor: We could always use the extra organs.
Me: It's just hard. She's been in the family such a long time.
Doctor: Well, it's $100,000 for the parts and labor.
Me: That's outrageous. Just keep her.
Grandma: Brian, I'm scared.
Me: Go with the doctor, Grandma.
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
by Brian Murphy
by Conor McKeon at Rhode Island
"Skynet will prove and disprove the existence of our puny 'God' seven times before you finish reading this sentence..."
How can you run from evil if you can't even jump over a fence?
Our graduates are prepared to take on WoW.
A quick, easy way to find out whether or not you're an alcoholic is if you cried at this.
We're living in the future! If only Aunt Jemima were still alive to see this.
700+ rivet n washer used so far, two part resin urethane helmet
Cyberbullying happens everyday. It happened to my friend Kenny. His courage inspired me to speak out.
A bunch of dumbasses jumping off of stuff and getting hurt.
Recording...
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