Pirating rules.
Somewhere off the coast of Africa, on the deck of a hijacked boat...
Pirate 1: Man, I love being a pirate.
Pirate 2: Me too.
Pirate 3: Check this out!
Pirate 3 punches innocent bystander in the stomach.
Pirates 1 & 2: Awesome!
Pirate 3: Sorry, bystander. Pirate thing.
Bystander: (cough) It's cool.
Pirate 1: All right, enough horsing around, you guys. Let's go steal some treasure.
Pirates: Yeah!
The Pirates pry open one of 33 cargo containers. They stare at the contents.
Pirate 1: What... what am I looking at here?
Pirate 2: Looks like... huh. I don't know. I was expecting a lot more gold. And treasure. Fewer big metal things.
Pirate 3: Maybe the big metal thing is made out of gold.
Pirate 2: Isn't gold usually gold-colored?
Pirate 1: Pirate 2 does raise a good point.
Pirate 3: Here, there's a label on the box. It says it's a... "ta-ank."
Pirate 1: Oh, a tank! Of course.
Pirate 3: What's a tank?
Pirate 1: Ha! Pirate 3 doesn't know what a tank is.
Pirate 3: Shut up! You don't either!
Pirate 1: What, you think that just because I've spent all of my life on the pirate boat, I don't have any knowledge beyond nautical matters?
Pirate 3: That is what I think, yes.
Pirate 1: Shows what you know. A tank is... well... it's a kind of coral.
Pirate 3: Ha!
Pirate 1: Okay, fine. Curse my exclusively seaborne lifestyle! Pirate 2, you were a landlubber once. What do you make of this?
Pirate 2: You guys kidnapped me when I was four and then keelhauled my parents. I can't really remember much before then.
Pirate 3: Why? Because of all the mental scarring?
Pirate 2: (stares at his feet) ...yes.
Bystander: Actually, guys, if I can cut in: a tank is an armored assault vehicle, meant for cutting through infantry and fortified positions while maintaining a superior tactical defense and battlefield mobility.
Pirate 3 punches innocent bystander in the stomach.
Pirate 3: Thanks!
Bystander: (cough) No problem.
Pirate 1: That was going to be my second guess, anyway. Well, men, these weapons are now property of the Pirates!
Pirates: Hooray!
Pirate 1: To arms!
Pirate 1 hops into a tank, cranks the accelerator, and drives into the ocean.
Pirates 2 & 3 watch in silence.
Pirate 3: Was it supposed to float?
Bystander: Not explicitly, no.
Pirate 2: (whispers) I think I would have preferred some treasure.
by Scott Bennett at Hofstra
by Owen Parsons
by Pat Keegan
"ur just jelly cuz ur a ghost and can't tap that"
Amir launches the first aerial attack in the war's four year history.
A funny picture from CollegeHumor
Recording...
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