105%

Issue #82

by 105%-O-Matic October 21, 2008

We're calling from inside the house.

I found a penny and got really happy because I knew that when I picked it up, I would have good luck for the rest of the day! It was 11:57 PM. Five minutes later a hobo spit on me. It was his hat I took the penny from.

-Josh D

Drug abuse

I never abuse drugs. I take great care of them. Like keep them in a plastic bag in a temperate climate.

-Ryan Devine

Time traveler from the future

--Your days are numbered. OH NO!!!
--Oh... I'm just talking about your calendar. These days. They're numbered. It's convenient. We just have weird symbols and stuff in my time.
--Oh... yeah. I guess it is convenient.
--Extremely. This way it's much easier to know that you have exactly 29 days until your galaxy explodes.

-Amir Blumenfeld

Eminem's autobiography

I lost myself in the music, the moment, I owned it. I never ever let it go, go. I only had one shot. I didn't miss my chance to flow. Those opportunities came once in a lifetime, yo.

-Kevin Corrigan

It's a shame that one of the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon wasn't talent.

-Matt Singer

The more I hear my friends talk about "whackin it" the more I think I'm doing it wrong.

-Zach Hendi

Personal ad

I like long walks on the beach, listening to music... BUT I FUCKING HATE MEDIUM-LENGTH WALKS ON THE BEACH!

-Ryan George

If tumbleweed blowing by is a sign of an unfunny joke, then Unforgiven must be the least funny movie ever made. Which is weird, 'cause when I watched it I couldn't stop laughing.

-Patrick Cassels