Roommate Confessions

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One night I got completely fed up with both of these girls so I took all their clothing out of their drawers and lined the bottom of the drawers with gravy. When they confronted me about the gravy I said I caught some random person in our room earlier and they were messing with your drawers, but I stopped them right as they were about to dump my clothes out of my drawers. The reason I strongly believe they are douche bags is because they loved cats like nobody's business and it just got quite annoying to the point of insanity. They had my room decked out in everything cats; cat calendar, cat mouse pad, cat comforter, cat posters, cat pjs, cat dolls, and a HUGE CAT throw rug in the shape of a CATS head! Also what do you think they were for Halloween? Oh, ust let me you tell you. They were butterflies... haha jk they were flipping CATS!!!!!! Shoot me, I still have to live with them for two more quarters any suggestions?

Patricia Ortega, UCLA

No, you didn't knock your phone into your fish bowls while you were sleeping - I tossed it in after you fell asleep, you dumb b*tch.
B. T., Some School in Georgia

Within a week after breaking up with my girlfriend, my roommate slept with her. A couple times. I found out from a friend so my roommate didn't know that I knew. I wanted to fuck with him because that's generally not cool. So I called him up one day and told him I needed his advice. I told him that I just found from the doctor that I have herpes and I probably gave it my ex-girlfriend. So he starts freaking out thinking he got herpes from my ex and the next day he goes to the doctor to get a test and it turns out he had gonorrhea. And he probably gave it to my ex-girlfriend.
Mike Rotch, Vanderbilt

Last year my roommate was a complete fucking slob who had a lip packed constantly and left his spit cups all over our room. One time he had brought back an extra container of nachos with barbecue pork on them(we used to have a kickass burrito/nacho place) and left them in our fridge. When he went missing for a day or 2 like he normally did, I poured some of the spit onto his nachos and shut the lid. When he came back, went into the fridge and realized he had nachos. He started eating them, but didn't notice there was something wrong. Considering he had just packed a lip, I figured maybe he thought the taste was just in his mouth, or he just always tasted it and didn't care. Either way, it was fucking disgusting and I never really tried to anything else to him because I figured having everything taste like straight tobacco is punishment enough.
Mike G., School Not Given

My roommate would never clean the pots and would leave water all over the washroom floor. He locked his door all the time, and doing any damage to the main area or washroom would screw me over also. It hit me one day and I got one of those yellow 8.5x11 yellow envelopes with inside bubble padding (best part is, you can reuse them for this) and unloaded a can of shaving cream into it (the foamy type, not gel). When he was out, I put the open part of the envelope under his door and took one of my textbooks and gently laid it on top of the envelope. After turning on George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone", I took a running start and jumped on the textbook. When he came back that day, he freaked. Man, was I amazed at the height and distance I got on that shaving cream. I told him that I was visiting the people next door and someone probably snuck in around that time and did it. I tried acting as pissed as he was. Best part is that it was his shaving cream and I was just using one of the envelopes his mom used to send him stuff. Reuse and recycle people.
Firstnamz Lastone, University of Ottawa

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