The Jokester
The Jokester isn't funny unless you're over the age of 40. For anyone else, he's a loud and annoying drunk. He has a stupid kid name, like Bobby, and never shows up for dinner - he arrives just in time for dessert. If you're lucky, your Bobby is divorced. If not, your night is doomed to listening to Bobby's wife tell HILARIOUS stories about how lazy he is. It should come as no surprise that these stories captivate the whole room: Where else can you hear about a man's ineptitude and his wife's disapproval? (Hint: EVERY TV SHOW EVER) Bobby's "jokes" consist of loudly exclaiming things like "cleaning is a woman's job!"
The Cousin
The Cousin is a nice enough guy, but you never really see him enough to establish any kind of friendship. This wouldn't be so awkward if you weren't close as kids. The Thanksgivings of playing Sega Genesis together are over, replaced by forced small talk:
"Hey man, how's it going? Oh, you're in a band now. Cool. What kind of music? Alterna-Dancecore-Acid-Punk, eh? Yeah, not really sure what that is. Like Fall Out Boy meets Slayer meets Madonna? Oh. Oh, OK. Wow. Yeah sure, I will totally hit you guys up on Myspace. I will definitely do that."
Grandma isn't actually racist -- she just grew up in a different time. Try as she might, she can't keep up with today's politically correct lingo. During dinner when the conversation inevitably turns to politics, Grandma will pipe up with something like: "Well I think it's great that we finally have a colored president! Those people try so hard." Your dad will chuckle and politely inform her that the term "colored" is now considered racist. Then he'll continue on his rant about how having a president with the middle name Hussein "just ain't right."
The Kid
The Kid is between the ages of 6 and 10 and idolizes you for whatever reason. Despite you being almost 15 years older, he believes the two of you have a ton in common and should probably hang out the whole night. He'll insist on sitting next to you at dinner and spend the entire time punching you as he mimics his favorite professional wrestlers. Later, when the adults are engaged in conversation, you'll be assigned the role of entertainer. You'll try something simple, like playing Mario Kart. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Since The Kid only has a younger sister, he's used to kicking ass at video games. This makes him a sore loser. You're now left with two choices - take a dive, or make him cry. I personally prefer crying. Nobody beats me at Mario Kart.
by AmazingSuperPowers
by Brian Murphy
by 105%-O-Matic at Bucks County Community College
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
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Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
Make sure you know what you're really eating this Valentine's Day. $('#chocolate').translate({ 'tag_name': 'span' }); !split Illu
It's probably just the microphone. I'm sure this transvestite usually sounds lovely.
It's like a TV show that makes you want to buy body wash.
Recording...
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