105%

Issue Ninety

by 105%-O-Matic December 16, 2008


Our Monthly Holiday Issue!

My argument for white pizza
Warm toasted bread, melted cheese, and mashed vegetables. Which of these doesn't belong? Also, I'm racist.
-Ben Joseph
Definitions for "Waffle Balls"
1.Delicious dessert topping, 2.Aftermath of sitting on a tennis racket
-Adam Newman
Animaniacs is a funnier version of Entourage.
-Ryan Harbon
A couple years ago I was going to make my own TV station, like BET, but for white people. I ended up deciding against it, partially because I didn't want to become another example of white people ripping off black culture, and mostly because it sounded horribly racist.
-Kevin Corrigan
I think the second worst part about being in a Pretenders cover band is you're destined to only come up with the second most appropriate name possible. The worst part, of course, is the fact that you're in a Pretenders cover band.
-Conor McKeon
Why do old people become hard of hearing when their ears get so damn big?
-Glen O'Brien
Irrational Simile
Why do people say "smart like a fox"? Does that mean you are smart enough to catch rabies and get shot by a British nobleman?
-Kyle Booen
These hors d'oeuvres taste like shit! Pardon my French.
-Debby Burge
Behind every successful woman there's a bunch of guys whispering that she's a lesbian and "probably infertile."
-Dan Dooley
Every year my fantasy team comes in dead last even though it has the hottest chicks on it. I guess I just don't understand sports.
-Dante Culpepper
Look, I don't make the rulez. If I did, I would spell rulez with a "z."
-Streeter Seidell
Do you think poor, freezing children are purposely naughty so they'll get coal?
-Patrick Cassels
Psych out
It wasn't until after I graduated that I realized my diploma was useless. All of the benefits majoring in Psychology were canceled out by minoring in Reverse Psychology.
-Kaneda Shima
Diamonds or crack?
All I had to do was give her one of those expensive rocks for her to go down on me.
-Chris Token
Cavemen comebacks
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but it'll really be the infection that sets in afterward that'll do me in.
-Cassidy S.
If parents really don't want their kids having sex they should give their sons and daughters World of Warcraft.
-John Brodish
Click here to submit your own 105%.
Likes 116   Recording...
Share this article
See more
105%-O-Matic

105%-O-Matic

View Profile
Send a message

RECENT ARTICLES

More
There are 152 comments. Signin or create an account to see them.
1,168 / 5,988

Recent Articles

NEWER    OLDER

Visit Our Partners

next previous
BFF
www.buzzfeed.com

BuzzFeed tracks all of the web's obsessions in realtime. Find outrageous videos, juicy gossip, an obscure subculture breaking into the mainstream, or just an ordinary guy having his glorious 15 minutes of fame. Check out BuzzFeed now!