Roommate Confessions

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One day I walked into my room and my roommate was reading naked on my beanbag chair. While I admit this was pretty funny, retaliation was in order. At the time he had a girlfriend at a school across the country, and would Skype with her daily for hours. Having learned his schedule, I got naked and hid under his bed for 2 hours till he came back, locked the door, and started Skyping with his girlfriend. 10min into the conversation, I got up and walked across the frame and said "morning stud", kissed his cheek, and then wagged my package in his face. Relationship ended.
Matt Wood, School Not Given

One time your boyfriend came over while you were in class. I let him in to wait for you and we ended up sleeping together. We've hooked up four times since September. He also told me what you've been doing with the toilet paper holder. Not cool. Please take it with you when you move out.
Lisa, University of Michigan

Hey Geoff, ever wonder why your girlfriend likes to stay the night on our couch instead of sleep in bed with you? It's probably because we hook up after you go to sleep. Don't worry, you don't have to give me lame excuses when I need to borrow your computer anymore. You could at least think of something better than giving me the wrong password. I'll use her desktop instead. She gives an awesome beej under it. One last thing, not pronouncing your Rs isn't cute, it just makes you sound like a whiny douche.
Chalupatown Gangsta, Ohio State

As you know, you averaged making it to about one class a week this semester. When you weren't in class, you were in your room touching yourself. The very visible tally we had for the last half of the semester (the one you didn't ask any of us about), was how many times one of the suitemates walked in on you or heard you beating it (the tally was at 134 for the semester when I left for Christmas). So, since no one likes you, I decided to make a fake syllabus for one of your classes. Everything remained the same on the new syllabus with the exception of the date of your final. This switch happened in September, right around when I started hating you. So, when you came back to the room crying like a bitch, I knew what was wrong even though you don't talk to me. And yes, I did switch back the original syllabus when you left for the test.
Mike, Louisville

Senior year my roommates and I discovered that these girls that lived in a building kitty-corner to ours wanted to have a prank war when we received a flaming bag of cat shit at our door (which when we opened the door my roommate said "look, a flaming bag of shit" and then closed the door). My retaliation was swift and appropriate. It was an apartment full of 4 girls, all in the same easy sorority, so I decided it would be a good idea to steal their toilet seats. These girls were not bright and one lost their key early in the year, and instead of buying a new one, they just left their door unlocked at all times. So I waited til they went to a slut meeting at the sorority house, and my and my roommate went over and took their seats. The best part is the next day another roommate had class with one of the girls and came in dying laughing and asked us "WHICH ONE OF YOU SHIT IN THEIR BATHTUB?!" Me and the other roommate looked at each other blankly and burst into laughter b/c neither of us had so it was obviously one of them. A couple days later (still hadn't returned the seats after much pleading and complaint that these girls all had to shit at class buildings) the girls decided to have me over to dinner in order to try and coax me into admitting it and giving their seats back. When a couple girls were giggling I asked what was up and they told me that one of the particularly easier roommates took it in the back door two nights previous. I could barely keep it together when I realized that it was quite obvious this was the girl that shit in the bathtub that night. She was drunk, must have come in to clean the pipes before taking it in the ass only to discover no toilet seat and thought it wise to use the bathtub instead; leaving it there for the pissed off roommate to clean up the following morning. They were obviously too afraid to retaliate.
Sean S., University of Illinois

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