Help Me Hulkster

Premature ejaculation can be a real bummer, brother. Lettin' your Hulkamaniacs run wild during foreplay is a quick way to ruin a good pair of spandex. I'd suggest getting your little Hulkster in a chokehold 15-20 minutes before the main event. That way you can hold off on your finisher until you're ready to have your arm raised.

Hulk, my boyfriend has trouble getting it up. What can we do?
Christine Wilson, New Jersey

Sounds like your man needs to HULK-UP! It's probably just the nerves getting to him, and Hulk Hogan knows about nerves, brother. Reminds The Hulkster of the time he went up against Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III. He was nervous, brother. Believe me. But did nerves stop The Hulkster from lifting the 460 pound giant over his head and body slamming him into oblivion? You better believe it didn't, dude.

....The Hulkster was also jacked up on roids, which leads him to believe that nothing is impossible with the help of drugs. For your situation, I'd suggest Cialis, brother.

My husband and I don't have the same chemistry we used to. We only have sex once a month! Help me Hulkster!
Amanda Pollo, California

The Hulkster knows the dangers of falling into a routine. There are only so many times you can tag-up with "Macho King" Randy Savage before he ends up hitting you in the face with a steel chair. Not that it hurts The Hulkster. The Macho King thinks he cut my deep, but nothin' can stop the red and yellow. He's powered by the MILLIONS of little Hulkamaniacs out there. SO WHATCHA GONNA DO, MACHO KING, WHEN HULKAMANIA GOES WILD ON YOU?

That being said, The Hulkster always encourages sexual experimentation. Try some sexy outfits or roleplay!

I consider myself moderately religious and feel guilty about having sexual thoughts. Is masturbation wrong?
Chad Johanson, Virginia

Brother, let me put it this way: Imagine if The Hulkster never got any training before stepping into the squared circle. You think an inexperienced Hulk Hogan could have escaped the Iron Sheik's Camel Clutch? No way, Jack. You don't get to be the World Heavyweight Champion before doing a little work on yourself first. You'll end up tapping out a minute into your first match. And that's embarrassing, dude. Takes me back to Wrestlemania IX, when Mr. Fuji threw powder in Bret "The Hitman" Hart's face, costing him the WWF championship. The Hulkster wouldn't stand for the injustice, and challenged Yokozuna right then and there, brother. It was 21 seconds before The Hulkster was delivering the DREADED LEG DROP OF DOOM AND PUTTING DOWN YOKO FOR THE 1, 2, 3!

I'm a virgin and recently began dating my first serious boyfriend. I plan for him to be my first, but I don't know anything about sex! Do you have any tips to make it less awkward?
Melanie Berkowitz, Wisconsin