1892 - Inventor Adam Abbot bursts into the office he shares with his fellow inventors.
Adam: I've done it, Gentlemen! I've created a new, comfortable type of footwear!
Steve: Oh?
Adam: Yes. You see, the walls of the shoe are composed of stiffened cotton and the soles are made of formed rubber. They are light, flexible and great for athletics.
Steve: Athletics?
Adam: Yes, it's a new word. It describes physical activities such as bi-cycling or fast-walking.
Martin: Well, why didn't you just say fast-walking, man?!
Adam: My apologies. Now, gentlemen, what shall we call this new type of footwear?
Martin: Perhaps 'rubber soled footwearers'?
Adam: Good, good. But I think we can do better. Steve? Anything?
Steve: Perhaps, 'Adam Abbot's Fashionable Atletikes Shoes for Upstanding Men of Position'?
Adam: Did you mean, "Athletics?"
Steve: Yes, whatever that newfangled word is.
Adam: Perhaps...
From the shadows, the office recluse, Grimley, speaks up in low, stiffled tones.
Grimley: They appear to be good for sneaking.
Adam: Yes...yes, I suppose they are.
Grimley: If one were so inclined, one could sneak beneath the cover of dark down the slicked cobbles of the quay in absolute silence. Nary a longshoreman would hear his approach. His hook be damned, not a stevedore from here to Southampton could be truly safe on the quay after nightfall.
Adam: Right...
Grimley: Or perhaps, if one were so inclined, one could sneak upon a fair maiden carelessly walking unescorted from an evening at the operahouse. Not a footfall would be heard by said maiden until it was too late.
Adam: Too late for what, exactly?
Grimley: ...
Adam: Nevermind. Now, I think we were onto something with 'Adam Abbot's Fashion...'
Grimley: Call them 'Sneakers' or I will follow you home this eve.
...
Adam: Sneakers, then. Yes, sneakers. Good work, Grimley.
Grimley: Bring me a pie of meat.
>
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
by Streeter Seidell at Fordham
by Amir and Ethan
the iPad is so stupid that the number of comedy possibilities is just... astounding.
Gmail, Firefox, YouPorn and more speak up to keep you from doing your work.
The Black Ranger is black... the Yellow Ranger is Asian... uh oh.
Look out for d-bags and children on leashes.
Why stop yourself from having sex with your mom, when you can make it a threesome?
Make sure you know what you're really eating this Valentine's Day. $('#chocolate').translate({ 'tag_name': 'span' }); !split Illu
It's like a TV show that makes you want to buy body wash.
It's probably just the microphone. I'm sure this transvestite usually sounds lovely.