Dear Mr. Nelson,
I recently purchased a yellow 1976Camaro from your car lot. You guaranteed me that this vehicle hadbeen given the state mandatory 21-point inspection. Based on recentevents I now believe that this inspection was not carried out. Ifyour employees had carried this inspection out then I am confidentthey would have found that this Camaro is not actually a car at allbut rather a biomechanical sentient being.
Several nights ago I discovered that mycar is actually a living creature named Bumblebee. He and his fellowAutobots are from the planet Cybertron and have been at war with theevil Decepticons for centuries. They have come to earth to preventthe Decepticons from obtaining the All Spark; a mystical talismanthat would grant unlimited power to whoever possessed it. Since Imade this discovery there have been several attempts made on my lifefrom the Decepticons named Barricade and Frenzy. In both attempts Iruined a perfectly good set of clothes and after one instancestitches were required. One of the Autobots accidentally destroyed myMother's new fountain and took a sizable chunk out of the corner ofour house. The worst of it all is that there is now a secretgovernment organization codenamed Sector 7 after me and my family,and they have also kidnapped my super hot girlfriend Meagan Fox who Idoubt will be very understanding with me about the situation.
I came to your car lot expecting topurchase my first car; an experience that is arguably one of the mostimportant and exciting happenings in a young adult's life. Insteadthis experience has left me with quite a sour taste in my mouth. I donot imagine that it is hard to understand my dissatisfaction withthis transaction.
First, I would like monetarycompensation for my ruined clothing, the hospital bills, and housedamage. Second, I would like you to negotiate the return of mygirlfriend being that she is extremely out of my league and I willnot get another one up to her caliber. Third I want you to arrangefor and finance my safe passage out of the country to a securelocation until this whole thing blows over. I have not even begun tolist the psychological damage and years of counseling it will take toget over this. I expect a speedy response from you otherwise I will be reporting your dealership to the state authorities.
by Trey Houston at University of Tulsa
by Caldwell Tanner
by Marina Cockenberg
"ur just jelly cuz ur a ghost and can't tap that"
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