105%

Issue Ninety-Seven

by 105%-O-Matic February 25, 2009

I overheard a guy say that he was knee-deep in pussy. I was really impressed; I didn't even realize you could go in foot first.

-Adam Newman

The road to Amish country is paved with good intentions.

-Steve H.

People complain that the only two constants in this world are death and taxes, but it's just not true. The kid I hit with my car never paid taxes.

-Steve H.

Fur is murder, especially when it's human fur.

-Cock Blockula

Whenever I buy Wendy's chili, I just pour it directly into the toilet. It's like time-traveling 20 minutes into the future.

-Cock Blockula

I want to catch a freight car and carry a bindle, no hobo.

-Josh Heller

I had to stop shopping at the dollar store and switch to the Canadian dollar store.

-Ryan Adams

My high school chess club was actually pretty similar to fight club. We both had the same first rule and the members generally got beaten up a lot.

-Ryan Adams

Likes 118 I like it

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