I Just Spent $200 At Old Navy, Bitch!

by Adam Hrabik on March 23, 2009

Whatup, homey? Your look is a little stale these days, wigga! Well, I just happen to have the hippest and freshest look on the block right now, thanks to Old Navy's California-Cool Looks! And I did it all for under $200, because Old Navy is not just über-stylin', but also über-cheap! Check out these radtastic shorts I found!

It's Radiohead's "Hail to the Thief" album cover, printed right on the shorts!

And that's only $25, boy-eee!

What's that? You say with all these mad-crazy savings at Old Navy, you'll have nowhere to put all your loose change? NOT AN EXCUSE, MOTHAFUCKA! Old Navy has the bombin'-est solution to your lame-ass problem. Can you say CARGO PANTAPALOOZA?

Check it--these pants have not one, not two, but SIX pockets so you can store all your change, your flash drives, your keys, and dozens of other items that you used to have to cram into just two pockets! OMG this sale rocks! Hang on, it's too crazy-cool for me, I have to jam out. (Turns up volume on Zune)

How do I get myself back to, the place where you said, I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life, babayy, babaaaayyyy (smashes Zune on the sidewalk). AAAAAAAH I'M SO PUMPED NOW!!!!

So fucking rad.

Natalee Holloway wore these in 2005.

I can hear what you're saying: "These clothes are totally out-of-this-world, but I want something that makes me feel like I'm on a permanent island vacation!" A permanent island vacation? Well, say no more, because Old Navy has exactly what the doctor ordered! Plain-front linen pants, bitch!

Holy shit, this is too much to handle, I have to do something wicked extreme, excuse me.

(Chugs a Mountain Dew, attempts to skateboard down driveway but falls after six feet and scrapes knee)

OWWWWWW that is RADICAL! Just like these deals at Old Navy! I think I'm getting a nosebleed from all the excitement! (Wipes nose with $40 Banana Republic t-shirt) Ha ha! Suck it, brand-name merchandising!

Oh SNAP! I almost forgot the best part--Old Navy has a--drum roll, please (no drum roll occurs)--a FACEBOOK page! Hot shit!

Wicked innovation!

You can check out the latest in Old Navy deals, PLUS their awesome hilarious TV ads using--get this--MANNEQUINS, pretending to be PEOPLE! WHAAAAAAAAT! I think I just got a comedy-rection (see what I did there? These ads are even funnier than THAT.)

So go check out Old Navy NOW, dawg, before these totally ridick sales go out the window! Then what are you going to do? Go to The Buckle? DIDN'T THINK SO! GET THE FUCK TO OLD NAVY! (plays Sugar Ray's "Fly", jumps out a two-story window)

Likes 17 I like it

Recording...