And now, the thrilling conclusion to A Conversation With My Left Hand After Breaking My Right...
Righty: Free at last! Free at last! Thank this nurse, I am free at last!
Me: Good to have you back. How was it in there?
Righty: Dark and scary, but warm... kind of like Atlanta. I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a restroom, so I sort of had to leave some dead skin cells on you.
Lefty: Oh don't worry, I'll wash that right off in the shower! You look a little stiff Righty, should I sign this medical bill?
Righty: Nah, it's cool man, I got it.
Me: It's so good to have you writing again.
Lefty: But, my writing is neater than that! If you keep using me, who knows how strong we could become?!?
Me: You're a slow learner and whine a lot though. Righty, can you open this soda for me?
Lefty: Careful bro, don't want to hurt yourself.
*Pop*
Righty: Ha, that was too easy. Feels like I've been doing it my whole life.
Lefty: YOU HAVE BEEN!!! I went through all this work these last weeks and for what? For you to just come back like nothing is new and push me to the side again?
Bling-Bling
: Oh Righty, did you notice that you got some plates and screws in you? You took a big dive for me that day, who knows what could've happened to me without you.
Lefty: He's got bling now too? Why don't I get bling? This is unfair. He takes a vacation, I did all his work, he comes back, takes over what is now MY job, and I go back to butt scratching duty?
Righty: You're good at that though. Plus it's kind of nasty down there. I'm used for a lot of things so I can't be touching down there. Infact, you can continue the wiping duty, I never enjoyed it, but you're good at it now.
Lefty: No, you can go back to wiping! That's not fair, none of this is.
Me: I like that idea. Lefty, you're in charge of wiping.
Righty: Thanks. So uh, where's that girlfriend of yours? I could go for seeing her and touching her beautiful, soft hands.
Me: Oh, you didn't hear?
Righty: Hear what?
Lefty: Nothing, nothing to hear at all.
Me: She broke up with me.
Righty: Aww that sucks. We all looked so good together. What happened?
Lefty: Nothing happened.
Me: Well, you know how at stores there's sometimes two doors and one says "Please use other door", and you never go in through that door or you'll get yelled at.
Righty: Yeah... oh... yeah? Lefty didn't...
Me: He entered that door.
Recording...
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