Conversations I have with my shitty Wi-Fi signal

by AJay G on July 17, 2009

Me: Okay, computer on, Wi-Fi signal you there?
Wi-Fi:...
Me: Wi-Fi come on, I know you're out there.
Wi-Fi: Huh? Oh yeah I'm here. Right here boss, four whole bars of signal armed and ready!
Me: Alright, great, ready to browse the web?
Wi-Fi: Sure... oh wait, two bars... Just give me one second let me get warmed up...
Me: Okay I'm opening Firefox.
Wi-Fi: No wait zero bars I'm not ready!
(page not displayed)
Me: Alright Wi-Fi just tell me when you're ready.
Wi-Fi:... one bar
Me: Okay then I'm gonna try reloading the page.
Wi-Fi: Okay, three bars here you are boss.
Me: Great, I'm just gonna go into G-mail now and load it up.
Wi-Fi: Okay loading... loading... one bar... loading...
Me: Whenever you're ready.
Wi-Fi: You might want to hit the reload button.
Me: Damn, okay okay, reload.
Wi-Fi: And two bars... we're good, here are your messages.
Me: Cool, anyone to chat with?
Wi-Fi: Unable to load G-mail chat at this time.
Me: Could you at least try again?
Wi-Fi:...
Me: Wi-Fi?
Wi-Fi:... zero bars.
Me: Wi-Fi where'd you go?
Wi-Fi: Zero bars. I'm not here anymore.
Me: What do you mean you're not here anymore? You were just here a second ago.
Wi-Fi: Yeah, but now I'm not.
Me: Well where'd you go?
Wi-Fi: I don't know, try moving your laptop around...
Me: Okay... anything yet?
Wi-Fi: ...Three bars.
Me: You got something?
Wi-Fi: No just bullshiting you, zero bars. You might want to check your signal.
Me: Okay just gonna click on you again and...
Wi-Fi: There was an error joining my network.
Me: What?
Wi-Fi: There was an error, you can't join but you can try again.
Me: What error?
Wi-Fi: I don't know, an error. Would you like to try again?
Me: But if I don't know what the error is how am I supposed to fix it just by trying again?
Wi-Fi: Just try again I'll get it this time.
Me: Okay...
Wi-Fi:... there was an error joining the network.
Me: Big suprise.
Wi-Fi: Would you like to try again?
Me: Fuck you.
Wi-Fi: Would you like to try again?
Me: No, I would like you to connect me to the internet.
Wi-Fi: But I'm not here.
Me: Yes you are.
Wi-Fi: No I'm not.
Me: Yes you are, I can see you. You're right there inbetween Batcave69 and MorpheusVamp1138.
Wi-Fi: You might see me there but that doesn't mean I'm there.
Me: That doesn't make any sense! If I see you there you're there! If I don't see you there you're not there! I can see you there, listed, not to mention I've been talking to you this whole time! You're there! Now please! Connect me to the internet!
Wi-Fi:.............
Me:..........
Wi-Fi:..... four bars.
Me: Thank you!
Wi-Fi: I mean one bar.
Me: Motherfucker!