105%

Issue One Hundred and Eighteen

by 105%-O-Matic July 30, 2009

It's cool. We were invited.

Every walk is a "Walk of Shame" if you're fat enough.

-Mike Cence

Two words that can get you fired the quickest in a Sports Illustrated for Kids pitch meeting

Swimsuit Issue

-Adam Newman

I don't understand why people choose their candles so carefully. They all taste the same to me.

-Brian Mates

My mom brought home a step-ladder yesterday. It's so weird not having my real ladder around anymore.

-Ryan Manning

If every cigarette I smoke takes minutes off my life, I should start getting up earlier.

-Michael Lewis

Virginity

The ultimate out of body experience.

-Conor McKeon

Non-rhetorical Gameshow Title

By watching "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" aren't you already answering their question?

-Andrew Gross

I love theme parties. My favorite? Cowboys and Prostitutes.

-Dylan Byars

I used to think I was really into the Civil War, turns out I'm just really into moustaches.

-Tim LaMay

If masturbating is a crime, then put me away for life. Wait... it isn't a crime? Oh. Then put me in the Guinness Book of World Records probably.

-Mike Cence

If a person with amnesia wrote a memoir, would it be put in the "Fiction" section?

-Mike Cence

YMCA

YMCA stands for "Young Men's Christian Association," which I think is a really flawed title for that place: You don't need to be young to go there, you don't need to be a man to go there, and if you're not Christian who cares about you in the first place?

-Patrick Cassels

I was dating a girl for 3 months. She never knew I drank until one night I came home sober.

-Jerry G.

If you get head from a blow up doll, do they call it infellatio?

-Mike Hartsock

I like to scare deaf people by yawning.

-Ryan Manning

I got a fortune cookie at this Irish pub and it said, "this is weird."

-Jake Simon

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