5 Filmmakers' Greatest Shame

1. JJ ABRAMS (writer of Gone Fishin')

The master of the overly complex mysteries of Lost/Alias/Fringe, omnipresent lens flares of Star Trek, and frizzy hair of Felicity hasn't always been able to spin engaging plots with fresh, interesting characters. In fact, JJ (at the time known as "Jeffrey") may have made the most ridiculously, jaw-droppingly bad buddy comedy of all-time: Gone Fishin'. In case the pairing of Joe Pesci and Danny Glover as wacky fishin' pals who get into wild hijinks in an attempt to go fishing (really) isn't enough for you, just watch the film and prepare for his greatest mystery of all: how did this movie ever got made? Nothing is funny, the hijinks are non-sensical, and it contains possibly the most uncomfortable Willie Nelson cameo of all-time. SPOILER ALERT! They don't even catch any fish.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Dean Cain's dad directed it.

 

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2. JOSS WHEDON (writer of Alien: Resurrection)

 

Millions of geeks praise everything Joss Whedon touches without even needing to think. Joss Whedon has a new show? IT WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT SHOW OF ALL-TIME! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT CANCELLED! Joss Whedon makes a sandwich? SINGLE GREATEST SANDWICH EVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT EATEN! Joss Whedon makes a third sequel to Alien? IT WAS THE...oh, the one with Winona Ryder? Ew. That crap was terrible. Whedonites try to forget their Lord/Master/Rich Man's Diablo Cody ever had his hand in that pot, but helping Winona Ryder stay employed is something that should be punishable by death.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: The director's next film? Amelie.

 

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3. JAMES CAMERON (director of Piranha 2: The Spawning)

Well, the guy has made the single greatest action movie ever (Terminator 2: Judgment Day), the only successful usage of Tom Arnold ever (True Lies), and the highest-grossing movie of all-time (that one about the boat and Billy Zane). It's kinda hard to find much fault with one of the greatest directors of our gener- oh wait. He's the one who did the sequel to Piranha. Except in this one, the piranhas could fly. Yes, it was a movie about flying murderous fish. The actual movie is even worse than what you're imagining. Luckily Cameron's next movie about people dying in an aquatic environment did a little better. I'm referring, of course, to The Abyss.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Cameron cast Piranha 2's lead 15 years later in Titanic as "Woman."

 

 

 

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4. FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA (director of Jack)

I guess making The Godfather and The Godfather Part 2 and Apocalypse Now has to suck a lot of the greatness out of a director. But even Brett Ratner (whose directorial greatness is equivalent to a black hole) would know better than to do Jack, which is pretty much Big - Magic + Death. The acting powerhouse trinity of Fran Drescher, Jennifer Lopez, and Robin Williams pretending to be a 10 year-old should have been enough to shame even the crummiest director out of getting anywhere near it, but the wildly overqualified Coppola somehow got sucked in. Maybe he took the schmaltzy, awkward, awful movie on as a challenge to himself. A challenge that he definitely failed.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Contains the last movie role of Bill Cosby.

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5. JOHN HUGHES (writer of Home Alone 3)

Besides being responsible for every great 80's movie not starring Bill Murray (Vacation, Uncle Buck, Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and giving Molly Ringwald the false hope of a film career (Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink), Hughes also made a pretty entertaining guide for torturing thieves: Home Alone 1 & 2. Macaulay Culkin came up with traps that would disturb Jigsaw - but not even that twisted kid could come up with the horror of Home Alone 3, which feels like a Michael Bay version. Instead of two thieves - FOUR thieves! Instead of robbing a house - they're selling missile-cloaking device to North Korea! There's not even a black-and-white gangster movie to scare away anyone. Rest in peace, John, we'll pretend this never happened.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Macaulay Culkin turned the film down right after Home Alone 2. Yes, even a 12 year-old did not think it would make a good movie.