Roommate Confessions

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

About 1 hour ago, you left for thanksgiving break, and I've already finished scanning every page of all three of your diaries into my computer. With your scanner, of course. It made me a little sad when you wrote that entry on the day your Grandma died. But not sad enough to stop reading and scanning, because once you were gone I had to get revenge somehow for you constantly sleeping and occupying the room.
Maria Hernandez, UCLA

One of my roommates is pretty much an all-around douchebag. He eats my food, whines whenever I make any noise past 10PM, never cleans up his huge mess, leaves out dishes until mold grows on them, that kind of stuff. Eventually, I got fed up with it. In one of my classes, I had to create a web client (like Outlook) that, among other things, allows me to set the sender email. So I sent him an email from the university's administration telling him that his professor had turned him in for cheating on his exam and that he was under investigation for removal from the university. Needless to say, he is absolutely freaking out right now. He'll eventually figure out that the email was bogus, but sitting in the other room listening to him freak out is just fantastic.
Richard H, Clemson

Yeah you know when you brought in that kitten into the apartment knowing I'm allergic to cats. I tried to be nice and warn you that the cat needs to go. But because you were "too monetarily invested" in him. I decided to be nice and shave him. Hey, I pay rent to be there he doesn't. At least you got to keep the cat and I got to remain relatively allergy free. My bad. I didn't know you liked his fur.
M.A., School Not Given

Hey Ryan, remember last year at uni when we had to share a flat and you were dealing drugs to some skanky junkies in our complex, had them all over and they trashed my tv, PS3 and caused over £2000 of damage to our flat which i had to pay my share of even though I never did anything? Well remember getting arrested for supplying drugs after an 'anonymous tip-off? Remember coming back to the flat after afew nights in custody and someone had smashed all your valuable possesions and trashed your room? and remember being kicked off your course? Well all of that is thanks to me. You probably won't see this anyway because apparently you're in jail now. Enjoy it skank, thanks for ruining a year of my life and costing me thousands of pounds. I'll come visit you in jail when I'm rich and succesfull and you're a dying skank junkie.
Euan Brown, Napier University

Going into third year I was optimistic about having another cool roomate since all of my past roomates were awesome. Instead, the housing Gods decided to smite me by making me room with the biggest douchebag on campus. Because he was an "athlete" (like racewalking is even a sport) he insisted on filling up our cupboards and fridge with endless kinds of protein powders and supplements. Every single weekend he would have his buddies over to get wasted and he would refuse to clean up the next morning. Our kitchen and living was trashed for the entire semester. So much so that you could smell Jager as soon as you walked into our place, and if you walked into our kitchen you wouldn't be going anywhere soon because your feet would be stuck to the floor. After leaving the windows open to our place at night, we eventually woke up to a family of squirrels having a feast on our living room. My roommate didn't seem to care. But as soon as animals start sneaking into my place and eat my food, I draw the line. So, after a week of keeping the window open, the squirrels accumulated quite a trail of feces. Naturally, I gathered these droppings and decided that I would add them to his protein powder. Luckily, he had a chocolate chip cookie flavour powder so the droppings blended in nicely. Needless to say the tub of powder was gone within the next week. Revenge complete.
Chad C., UBC

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