I was driving to work the other day, and I popped in the Beastie Boys' classic album "License To Ill," which rocked my world... until I found out that it hit the top of the charts SIXTEEN years ago. Sixteen. That's older than some of the girls that I hit on at work, which I certainly should never tell everybody that reads this website.

Sixteen years is a long time, but the Beastie Boys still own a very large part of popular history. Therefore, as pop culture, sports, and society in general press ahead, it's important that we look back. The early 1990's were a very important time in our nation's history, if only because they signaled a time of total insanity. Christian Laettner was an Olympic athlete. Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson were seen as somewhat sane. Madonna rewrote the book on being a whore (and she called the book Sex-- very original). The hit movie "Rookie of the Year" featured the guy from American Pie as a pre-teen pitching for the Chicago Cubs. No, seriously. Also, I would be remiss without mentioning his fat friend in that movie, who brought us the memorable line, "Did he just say 'funky butt loving?!'." Yes, the early 1990's carved a wonderful, yet absolutely moronic line through today's culture, and I'm here to bring you some highlights that hours of expensive therapy may have repressed.

THE BUSHWHACKERS: The WWF's most inexplicably popular tag team, the Bushwhackers did their stupid walk right into America's hearts. Fighting against almost-as-equally-insultingly-stupid opponents like Bastion Booger and the Red Rooster, the Bushwhackers taught us that it was okay to never shave or brush your teeth, so long as you walked while doing the monkey and made inhuman faces. Currently, the Bushwhackers are back home in their native Australia (and by Australia, I mean Sacramento) selling Kangaroos (the shoes, not the animals) for minimum wage. Luke and Butch, we salute you.

BILLY RAY CYRUS AND HIS POWER MULLET: Based on the popularity of his single, "Achy Breaky Heart," Mr. Cyrus was the quickest to hit #1 on the Billboard Charts, and stayed there for 17 weeks. I'll pause for a moment, because if you're anything like me, you might need to clean up the pieces of your brain after it exploded when you found that out. Sadly, Run-BRC did not enjoy an extended stay in pop folklore; as soon as the public realized that they completely hated him, his album sales began to lag slightly. Billy Ray now plays Hamburglar in Columbus-area McDonald's play areas, and routinely gets kicked in the balls by children and midgets.

MR. BELDING: Mr. Belding represented the lone, easily corruptible voice of reason that every high school with apparently 15 total students needs. Sadly, Dennis Haskins hasn't been seen in much since his "Hey, hey, hey, what is going ON here?!" performances, although he would make a much more convincing president than Martin F-ing Sheen on The West Wing.

BEBOP AND ROCKSTEADY: Forever second fiddle to the Asshole Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the mutant pig and rhino never saw the time in the spotlight they so richly deserved. Besides being fashion pioneers (unless you think mohawks and weird sunglasses are passe, you idiot), these two made hired muscle-work cool again. Without R&B, as I call them (nobody else does, because it's so very stupid), there would be no Hollywood hitmen, and there would be no movies like Kill Bill, or Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Hey, Death counts as a hitman. Totally.

ACE OF BASE: I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign. The song's in your head now. It will never leave. You're welcome.

So, honor the early 90's for bringing you Kid 'N Play, Van Hagar, and Chuck Norris's film career. I know you're now trying not to vomit all over your computer
screen, but if we don't know true crappiness, how can we avoid it?

If you're into downhome/dirty political satire, check out our sponsor "Rebel Holler" here. Oh, CollegeHumor now has a resident sex and relationships guru! Here name is Mindy and she's rad. She'll be posting new columns soon, but for now check out her older ones right here.

Here are some hotlinks to celebrate.